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Archive for the ‘Food for Thought’ Category

A colleague of mine and his wife, Jeff and Kerry, are expecting their first child, a boy. The excitement they share as they anticipate this event is palpable. When they talk about doctor appointments, preparations, things they’ve purchased, and preparing the nursery, you can feel their positive energy and they glow with eager anticipation.

Shift now, to your organization. What happens in preparation for a new employee? Having been the new employee in a number of different organizations over the course of my career, I can say my experience has been varied, but only a couple of places stand out for doing it well; one of them was significantly more prepared than any other.

A couple of days after I accepted the offer at this particular company, I received a very nice flower arrangement; this was a first! A couple of days after that, my new manager called to express how pleased he was that I was joining his team, and to check on a couple of details; he wanted to know what I wanted printed on my business cards and needed some information that would allow the IT group to set up the laptop they ordered for me. This, too, was surprising behavior.

When I arrived for my first day, my office had been freshly cleaned and was as well appointed as they could make it; they wanted me to choose the furniture set-up I preferred rather than guessing, so for a couple of weeks I made do with the large, ornately carved wooden desk that formerly belonged to the company’s President! My phone was set up and the desk actually had pens, paper, stapler, tape dispenser, phone book, and company phone directory, as well as a company-branded pen & tablet and travel coffee cup.

My new teammates had each written a welcome note on brightly-colored 3×5 cards, which were tacked to the wall above my desk.  The admin assistant had already scheduled “getting to know you meetings” with all of the key leaders with whom I would be working closely, and those were spaced out over the first two weeks. They had lunch brought in for me on my first day, and we all ate together, beginning to get acquainted.

I’m sure there are other details I could share with you, but my point is this: My entry into the company was very positive and left me with no doubt about their level of excitement that I was joining them. They took the time to think through and plan for my arrival; none of it was an afterthought. The same can be said for my colleague and his wife as they prepare for the arrival of their son.

Contrast this to my first day with another company; my manager was actually on vacation the first couple of days I was there! I had office space, but nothing set up for me…no office supplies, no computer, no plan for how I would spend my time beyond the obligatory stack of documents that I had to complete. Why wouldn’t she have scheduled my first days for a time when she would actually be there? I’m still at a loss for the explanation for that. Or consider the stories I’ve heard – and I’m sure you’ve heard, or perhaps even experienced yourself – about companies that behaved as if the arrival of a new employee was a surprise, an inconvenience, maybe even an irritation.

Going back to my colleague’s son. No doubt, the baby will feel welcomed, wanted, and loved when he arrives and as he grows up. Intuitively he will know these things, but it won’t be for several years that he will have a conscious understanding of the time, effort, and thoughtfulness that his parents invested in preparing for his arrival. New employees, on the other hand, are instantly very much aware of the level of thoughtfulness and consideration that went into preparing for their arrival – or didn’t, as the case often seems to be.

I hope you don’t get caught up in the analogy I chose; it’s not my intent to imply that employees are “babies” and should be treated as such. Rather, it was a timely (for me) thought-provoking situation that got me thinking about how we often view our work entirely differently than we do other aspects of our lives, and yet, that are so many parallels and great lessons to be learned if we will only change our paradigm.

Whatever end of the spectrum you are on with respect to preparing for new employees, what message does your practice send?

Is it the message you intend to send?

What impact is it having on employee engagement and morale in your organization?

And how is that, in turn, affecting your results?

If you are interested in benefiting from your employees’ discretionary efforts (that level of performance that is above and beyond the basics as defined in one’s job description), taking some time to reflect on – and perhaps adjust – your new employee on-boarding preparation and processes may serve you well.

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Perception = Reality.

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This beautiful bird spent the better part of four weeks fluttering up and down this window. You see, it thought it was flying into a tree. And it was persistent! It literally fluttered up and down this window most of the day; occasionally flying off into the trees you can see beyond it. The window has reflective film on it, to keep the heat of the sun out of the office. If you look at the window from the outside, you see the trees and bushes (which you can see as you look beyond the bird in this photo) reflected in the glass — pretty clearly, too. No wonder the bird thought it was flying into a tree…and behaved in a frustrated manner that it couldn’t get into the tree. It’s perception was that the window was a tree, and so it continued to try to find a way into the tree, because that was its reality.

Clearly…it wasn’t a tree and the bird was unsuccessful!

This is one of the key concepts I teach when I’m teaching communication skills. It fits in nicely with my two key lessons — self-awareness and intentionality are key to your success.

Understanding the power of perception is important because someone is always watching you, especially when you are a leader. And they make up stories about what’s going on based on snippets of information — often incomplete — combined with their beliefs, values, past experiences, and rumors. What they come up with may be accurate, close to accurate, or a million miles away from the truth, but because they don’t have access to the whole story, the one they create makes sense to them, and they move forward based on it.

My question to you is, how is someone’s else’s perception of you affecting your performance and chances of success? How is it impacting  your relationships?

What about your own perception about yourself? About your abilities, skills, and talents?

Whether you believe you can or your can’t, you’re right. ~Henry Ford

This quote says it all. What you believe to be true about yourself will determine your future. Knowing that, it’s important to examine how you perceive yourself and understand why it is so. Then, what can you do to make it different, if you need to make some changes to move forward into your potential?

And, what perceptions do you have about others that may be affecting your path forward?

Please, don’t waste your time and energy fluttering up against a window that is NOT a tree, and expect it to magically become what you want it to be! Make the effort to have clear vision and understanding about who you are and what’s going on in your life…and then move forward with confidence!

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I’ve been thinking about this for a few weeks now. Originally, my thought was “are you hitchhiking through your life?” But as I thought about hitchhiking, it didn’t make as much sense.

You see, hitchhikers often have a specific destination in mind, as they step out onto the road and stick out their thumbs, or hold up their sign about where they want to go. And they accept rides with folks, usually headed in the same direction…getting at least a few miles closer to their chosen destination. But, truly, they are pretty much at the mercy (in more ways than one) of whomever’s car/truck they climb into when they accept a ride. Meaning, they may get closer to where they want to go, or they may just get farther away from where they want to get away from…and may simply end up wherever the driver happens to be heading.

What spurred this line of thinking was a number of conversations with people in recent weeks — some of whom I work with in coaching or mentoring relationships — about where they are headed in their careers. One conversation with a young woman about 3 weeks ago, really brought this idea into the front of my thinking. I worked with her, planning an event, and asked her how long she thought she would stay in event planning. (As an aside, if you’ve never been in this line of work, it’s very stressful — being responsible for a lot of details to pull events together, when often times you have little to no control over many of the pieces required for your event to be a success. And event planners often do not allow themselves to actually enjoy the event they have exchanged so much of their life energy to plan!)

She shared some thoughts on things going on in the organization she works with, and hopes to have the opportunity to move up, as her manager will be retiring in the next 12-18 months. She talked about her education and previous work experience and then said the thing that raised my alarms!

She said, there might be some opportunities in other departments of her organization, but that she would probably wait to see what the others above her thought she would be good at and what positions they might consider her for.

I said that was well and good, but wondered what she thought she was good at and what she was interested in…what was she striving to accomplish in her career? She seemed surprised by the question and it was obvious she’d not given it any thought, but said she probably should think about it.

I’m not sure why this particular conversation struck me so, as I have similar conversations with many people at a frighteningly frequent rate. I’m astonished by the people who give very little thought to what they want to do in life and are so willing to just go along for the ride, allowing someone else to define who they are, what they are good at, and what they should be doing with their time and life energy!

So, my question to you this evening is this: Are you the driver and navigator on your life’s journey, or are you just going along for the ride?

If you aren’t clear about what you long to do, are called to do, are passionate about doing, find satisfaction in doing…someone else will plan your life for you, but he’s the scary part: What they plan for you will be more focused on meeting their needs, not yours, and while you may be capable of doing certain things, and may even be quite good at doing them…they may leave you feeling empty, dissatisfied…Just because you “can” doesn’t always mean you “should.”

Clearly, the choice is yours. I encourage you to make this decision thoughtfully and intentionally. The answer is really the difference between choosing to be a victim or victorious, choosing to live your passion or just passing time helping someone else live theirs.

I look forward to hearing what you decide.

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If you weren’t able to join us on the Empowerment Mentoring Orientation call last night (14 May 2103), but are interested in listening to the recording, send me an email or leave a comment and I’ll send you the link.

If you’re interested in transforming your life, you want to be in this process with us!

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I spent some time reflecting on today’s blog post about a time when someone disagreed with something I am passionate about. I can say this has actually happened to me many times throughout the course of my career.

As you will have figured out by reading anything on my web site, any blog post, I am passionate about developing myself and others. I typically think of the impacts on people when I’m working with change, decision making, etc. And over the course of my career, working in the corporate world including many manufacturing companies, I was usually in the minority with respect to my focus and perspective. It put me in the position of often presenting an opposing view in an arena full of financial people, manufacturing/operations people, engineers, and production workers.

You see, I believe if we invest in people — take good care of them — they will take great care of our businesses. Engaged employees are more productive, more reliable, more creative, more loyal. But often times, companies don’t devise good measures for those attributes, can’t see how it impacts the bottom line.

In addition, I consider that in any endeavor, I am exchanging my time and life energy for something else, as are all the other people on this planet. For me, that exchange better be fulfilling, better be worth it. I know I make some people uncomfortable when I talk about it this way. A lot of people I am in contact with in work situations are just there for the paycheck, putting in their time, wanting to get out to get to their “real life.” I don’t want to live that way. I want meaning in my life, deep connections, the opportunity to add value and make a difference; I want my time and energy to matter.

I was once working with a group of people (not a “team” by my definition) who demonstrated a lot of behaviors I would consider unproductive, unhealthy, and in direct conflict with what they said they were there to do, which was work as a team. Communication was not flowing smoothly. Trust issues were evident and talked about frequently inside and outside the group — but never between the specific individuals involved in the situations being discussed. Processes weren’t followed consistently. They didn’t have a “lessons learned” process for evaluating job evolutions so they could learn from what went well and what didn’t and apply it to future work.

I offered to facilitate some team building for them; as my passion would direct me to, I wanted them to have a healthier environment to work in, better relationships with each other, the ability to have those uncomfortable, difficult, but necessary conversations, to perform at a higher level. I could envision a better culture, actual team work…They weren’t interested. Thought what I had to offer was fluff! In fact, they believed they had a healthy functional team and everything was fine.

I didn’t take it personally. I understand not everyone shares my perspective and my passion. Can I say it didn’t affect our working relationship? I don’t think so. Although, I will say I was less tolerant of listening to some of the issues they wanted to discuss about how others on their “team” were behaving. You see, if there’s an issue that’s disruptive enough to cause you to spend time thinking and talking (complaining) about it but you choose to not do anything to change it, that’s your choice.

My choice is to focus on what I can influence and effect positive change when I need it in my life, my team, my environment.

What about you?

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As you know, I’ve been preparing to roll out a new mentoring program, and the time has finally come! It is called Empowerment Mentoring, and it is designed to empower you to really focus on where you’re headed and what you need to do to design the life you want to lead and move — with greater self-awareness and intentionality — proactively into your future.

As you know, I’m really passionate about the work I do; there’s nothing more energizing and exciting to me than working with and seeing people like you experience the life-changing “aha!” moments, gain new insights, reach new levels of understanding, and see your life — and its many possibilities — in new ways.

Empowerment Mentoring is a powerful program, and your life will not be the same once you get started.

Join me tomorrow night (Tuesday 14 May) at 7 PM EDT for this free orientation call. I will give you a preview of the material through a 15-minute teaching on the Purpose, Vision, Goals lesson. I will provide an overview of how the program will work, and answer any questions you might have.

I will also, this one time only, extend the discount I offered last week. If you participate in this orientation call and enroll in the program by midnight (EDT) 15 May, you may register for $597 for the full six-month program. I offer a 30-day money back guarantee, so what do you have to lose?
Here is the dial-in information:
559-726-1200
Code 569934

This is through Freeconferencing.com; if you dial from a landline, you may be subject to long-distance charges; if you dial from a cell, you may be subject to minutes charges (obviously, this depends on what kind of phone plans you have). This call will be recorded. If you aren’t able to attend the orientation call, but want to listen, send me a note and I’ll send you a link.

You may call through Skype, following these instructions:

  • Log-in to Skype
  • Select menu option “Contacts/Add Contact”
  • Add the SKYPE name: freeconferencing.5597261200 as the contact name
  • Select “CALL” button to begin dialing. To show the dial pad on Skype, click on “call” in the top menu bar and “show dial pad” or select the dial pad located in the bottom menu bar below dialing screen
  • You will need to enter the access code

NOTE: There is a risk in using Skype in that calls are sometimes dropped (less likely if you pay for Skype premium).

Please share this invitation with anyone you think might be interested!

I look forward to “seeing” you on the call tomorrow night at 7.

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If you work full time, you are likely all too aware that there is no such thing as “work-life balance.” It’s a fallacy, a lie, an illusion, a figment of someone’s overactive imagination, a blatant untruth! Balance implies some equality on each side of the scale, some level of fairness of the elements being measured.

Think about it. We all have 24 hours a day. We sleep 7-8 hours. We are at work, typically, between 8-10 hours each day. What about your commute time? Maybe 30 minutes round trip, possibly even an hour? So far, that’s about 15.5 hours on the short end and up to 19 hours on the long end of the range.

What about time to eat, exercise, run errands, read, reflect, play… Time for extra-curricular activities — either your children’s or your own — volunteering, sitting on a Board for another organization, taking classes…

Don’t forget about time for your family! Yep, that’s the important one, isn’t it? We all say family is our highest priority and yet they are often the people who get our leftovers in terms of time and energy.

We’d like to think we could have it all, but we know it’s not possible. Even the influential and powerful discover this — if they are lucky! Read this story about Erin Callan, former CFO of Lehman Brothers, as she discusses the sacrifices she made in terms of her marriage and family in exchange for the prestige, power, and money afforded by her position. Was it really worth it?

What if you were introduced to an entirely different concept: Mastery of the art of living. Try this on for size:

A master in the art of living draws no sharp distinction between his work and his play; his labor and his leisure; his mind and his body; his education and his recreation. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence through whatever he is doing and leaves others to determine whether he is working or playing. To himself, he always appears to be doing both. — LP Jacks

What if you could master the art of living? It’s possible, you know? It’s not effortless, but wouldn’t it be worth it?

The key is (is this familiar?) having a high level of self-awareness — understanding your values, priorities, and dreams — and intentionality — deliberately making decisions and taking steps that lead you to the place you long to be, honoring your values daily.

My recommendation…find a mentor or a coach who has been along this path before you and enlist their support in your quest.

Let me know how I can help…before it’s too late.

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YOLO. Surely you’ve heard this before today – You Only Live Once.

This simple fact is something that has been resident in my mind for some time, and I am fortunate to be reminded of it by others at varying intervals.

Take the chance meeting I had with a gentleman last August at the West Virginia State Chamber of Commerce Annual Business Meeting at the The Greenbrier Resort. There was an ice cream social on the agenda on the first day of the meeting.

Not one to miss a good hot fudge sundae (for me, this requires hand-dipped hard ice cream – no soft serve!), of course I stopped by one of the serving stations. I stood there for a few minutes pondering the level of bad manners I would be displaying if I picked up the bowl of hot fudge and asked the server to put a couple of scoops of vanilla into it, rather than ask for the ice cream and put some hot fudge on it. Finally, having allowed my better manners to prevail, I started to turn away, delicious dessert in hand, when I noticed the man who had come up behind me. His name tag indicated he worked for a private university system where a good friend also works. I used the opportunity to introduce myself. Little did I know it was a divine appointment in the making!

Having someone in common, and in need of a place to sit and enjoy our sundaes, we made our way over to a table and sat down to eat and chat. Three hours later, we were surprised to be interrupted by the banquet staff, needing us to relocate as they needed to reset the room for a dinner that evening.

It was a profound and interesting conversation as he shared his dreams, his longing to do something bigger and more meaningful than what his daily work amounted to, and his realization that time was passing quickly. “This isn’t a dress rehearsal,” he said, painfully aware that each day he puts off actively pursuing his dream of writing a book, the closer he is to the day when it will be too late. We’ve spoken several times since then, and I don’t believe he is any closer to getting started.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve been listening to JoDee Messina this week. This morning, another song grabbed by attention as I was thinking about this concept of only living once. Here it is:

Was that My Life*

I don’t want to be the one who’s old before their time

And lose the wonder that I felt as a child

I can’t run this race believing I might lose

Still so much to see, so much left to do

Yes, I’ll fall more than I’ll fly

But no one can say I never tried

We just get one ride around the sun in this dream of time

It goes so fast, then one day we look back and we ask:

Was that my life?

I close my eyes and think how lucky I have been

To hold the ones I love and share my dreams with them

All those sunny days and all those starry skies

Good morning kisses and sweet goodnights

I can’t tell them enough just how much they are loved

We just get one ride around the sun in this dream of time

It goes so fast, then one day we look back and we ask:

Was that my life?

I appreciate these reminders, as they keep me focused on doing the things I need to each day, so I don’t need to worry about that day coming and being full of the “I wish I would have…” angst and disappointment. It’s a work in progress for me.

How about you?

What matters most to you?

What do you long to do?

What change do you want to make in the world?

Who do you need to reconnect with, make amends with?

What adventures do you yearn to go on?

Whatever it is, what do you need to do today to get started moving in the direction of your purpose, your future?

As the man said: This is not a dress rehearsal.

I encourage you to make the most of every day, knowing you will fall before you fly, but if you persist you will get there!

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I’ve been thinking a lot about resilience lately. Contemplating what it is that allows some people to emerge from adversity and change, stronger and more confident, ready for whatever comes next, while others sink into defeat, seemingly unable to overcome whatever hardship they have experienced.

About 10 years ago, my sister took me to see George Strait in concert, in Seattle. JoDee Messina opened for him. Prior to that night, she wasn’t really on my musical radar, but she put on a good show and it turned out I loved a lot of her songs. Last week, I rediscovered her while browsing the CD racks at Wal-Mart. I picked up her Greatest Hits CD (yes, I know — I’m out of sync with the times, not buying it in iTunes!). I’ve been enjoying it immensely, and have found myself playing one song over and over and over in the car. Here it is:

Bring on the Rain*

Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It’s almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing, but I’m not dead

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I’m not gonna let it get me down
I’m not gonna cry
And I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain

I appreciate the recognition that sometimes life is really hard, overwhelming even, and sometimes we need a time out. Time to breathe, regroup, and prepare to meet the challenges of life on a new day…and yet, we are undefeated; we are resilient; we will rise, again, to face whatever challenges that will emerge in our lives.

So, what is it that allows us to declare “I am not afraid!” Certainly, I’ve experienced adversity, profound pain, and what some may define as failure. But  every single time, I’ve woken up the next morning, and forged ahead to face life head-on…unsure how I would handle whatever came next, and yet, knowing down deep that come what may, I would do my best and keep moving.

After some reflection, I think resilience comes from a fundamental belief in ourselves, our value, our expectation that we are here to do something important — a healthy level of faith that all will be well in time. It’s borne of courage and confidence and the knowledge that the experience brings growth; having survived whatever the situation, we will emerge stronger and better able to make our way through whatever comes next.

What change are you working your way through?

Will you allow it to consume you and flavor the rest of your life?

Will you emerge stronger and more confident?

How resilient are you?

What is the foundation for your resilience?

 

What does this song say to you?

*Thank you to JoDee Messina, Tim McGraw, Billy Montana, and Helen Darling for sharing this song with us.

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My 20-year old niece posted this on her Facebook page Friday night:

You’re everything I want, but nothing that I need.

Pretty profound stuff for such a young woman. There’s nothing else in her post, so I have no idea if it came from a song, something she’s reading, something she heard from someone else, or just from her heart, but it got me thinking about what a vast difference there is between the two.

It’s easy enough to jot down a list of all the things I want…a new bed, vacation in Italy, a library in my house with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with books and cozy chairs to snuggle into and read for hours, a cruise through the Inside Passage in Alaska, to see Chris Isaak in concert, again…and if I really want these things badly enough, they are all within my reach if I plan, prioritize, and save. But the point is, they are “wants,” truly not needs.

What I need is significantly different. I need nourishing food; adequate rest; regular exercise; to be surrounded by people who love, support, and nurture me; deep conversations with close friends; opportunities to learn and grow. Really pretty basic stuff, and yet so important.

Sure, it might be nice to have a closet full of new clothes and shoes, maybe a different car, a budget that would allow me to eat in restaurants every night of the week if I wanted or to go on vacation anywhere, anytime. But these things are just things; in the long run, they have no true and lasting value. They will not significantly add to the true quality of my life. They won’t make me a better or happier person. They won’t ensure my relationships are strong and healthy. They won’t make me different. They won’t make me better able to add value to others. They are, in fact, just more “stuff” to clutter up my life with. And for the past six months, or so, I have been actively working at cleaning out my drawers, closets, bookshelves, filing cabinets, and those never-ending boxes in the basement with a focus on getting rid of all this “stuff” that is cluttering up my home, my mind, and interfering with better energy and focus in my life.

The other consideration is that often we find ourselves wanting things we know are not healthy for us. For example, I love Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins. But, I know for a fact that eating it daily is not a good idea! I’ve been in relationships with people I very much wanted in my life, but knew they were not healthy for me to be around.

As the girl said — everything I want and nothing I need.

I’m working on maintaining my focus on the needs, and can honestly tell you, I am feeling more balanced, healthier, more settled. Happy in my own skin, as the saying goes, and it’s a glorious thing.

What are the things you want, but know you don’t need?

What are the things in your life that are preventing you from becoming the very best version of you possible?

Is it time to give some serious consideration to this equation in your life, and maybe make some changes?

Let me know how I can help.

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