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Intentional Leadership — D3, W1, M2 — Relationships

February 13, 2013 by llpllc

How did your self-assessment go yesterday?

Today, let’s get an outside perspective and find out how close our self-pereption is to that of others.

Find a close friend or colleague, someone you trust, and share your homework from yesterday. Ask them how they would rate you on the same five areas. It’s important that you do this exercise with someone who will be really frank with you, as getting feedback with someone who will not tell you the truth will not really help.

Five elements for building great relationships:

Honesty: When you speak with others, how open are you? Do you share information about yourself that might reflect poorly on you? Are you comfortable acknowledging that you don’t know something, or do you bluff your way through as if you are knowledgeable?

Reliability: Can others count on you to follow through on your commitments?

Relating: When you are with others, do you listen attentively, seeking to understand others first? Or are you focused on being understood?

Empathy: Do you demonstrate your concern for others by doing what you can when someone needs help? Recognize that support may take many forms: standing up for someone, listening, taking action on another’s behalf, or just doing some small act of kindness.

Time: Are you consistent about investing time and energy into your most important relationships? Are you contributing to the health of your relationships, or are you taking, not giving? As John Maxwell says, in every relationship you can be a + or a – … which are you?

If your self-assessment is close to that of your colleague’s, then you should consider yourself reasonably self-aware. If you find some gaps, I encourage you to consider them an opportunity for growth. Spend some time in reflection, so you understand the disconnects and determine if it’s worth making some changes.

We’ll be spending this whole month on relationships, so don’t rush through this part.

On a personal note, I am doing some homework along this line in preparation for Think Tank Day — part of the John Maxwell Team training I’ll be attending next week. The first step was to write a third-person description of myself, providing an overview of my personalities, including strengths and weaknesses. After I have my description written, I will share it with a few people who know me well and whose opinions I respect, to see how close I come to how others perceive me. It could be a truly eye-opening experience. I’m excited to find out!

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Intentional Leadership — D2, W1, M2 — Relationships

February 12, 2013 by llpllc

It’s self-assessment time! Before we get too far into thinking about and discussing relationships, let’s see how we do on some key foundational elements of relationship-building.

Assess yourself on each of these elements:

Honesty: When you speak with others, how open are you? Do you share information about yourself that might reflect poorly on you? Are you comfortable acknowledging that you don’t know something, or do you bluff your way through as if you are knowledgeable?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Reliability: Can others count on you to follow through on your commitments?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Relating: When you are with others, do you listen attentively, seeking to understand others first? Or are you focused on being understood?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Empathy: Do you demonstrate your concern for others by doing what you can when someone needs help? Recognize that support may take many forms: standing up for someone, listening, taking action on another’s behalf, or just doing some small act of kindness.

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Time: Are you consistent about investing time and energy into your most important relationships? Are you contributing to the health of your relationships, or are you taking, not giving? As John Maxwell says, in every relationship you can be a + or a – … which are you?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

After rating yourself, spend a little time to summarize your thoughts on this exercise. Are you a plus (+) or a minus (-)? What did you learn that you can use to improve your approach to relationships?

This area of leadership is like all the others in that to do well here, one must have a certain level of self-awareness and operate in an intentional manner. As with the exercises that came before now, it’s important that you are really honest with yourself. If you are shallow in this area, it will be readily apparent.

“See” you on Wednesday!

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Intentional Leadership — M2, W1, Day 1 — Relationships

February 11, 2013 by llpllc

Welcome to month 2 of our Intentional Leadership journey, focused on relationships.

As we start this first week, it makes sense to consider, first, our relationship with ourselves.

If you’ve done much reading about Abraham Lincoln, you will be well aware that he took quite the journey learning to be a leader. He encountered many challenges along his path, often experiencing events that may have driven some to give up, but he was persistent and knew he had important work to do. Over the course of his journey, he came to know his strengths and weaknesses quite well. This self-awareness allowed him to form relationships with rivals as he steered the country through some of its toughest times.

When we look at many leaders — within organizations, local and state governments, and even those responsible for entire countries — quite often you will notice they have built their inner circles with loyal supporter and long-time colleagues. Not Lincoln; he built his cabinet with bitter rivals, knowing full well they would not see eye-to-eye on many matters that would determine what kind of country the US would be, following the Civil War. He realized, though, that each of those men had invaluable knowledge, wisdom, and experience, and he needed the best to help move the country through such a precarious time.

It takes a strong, confident leader to do that. He knew his ideas and decisions would be challenged, and he understood it would be in the country’s best interest to open himself up to that level of scrutiny. He knew the others had value to add, and would help him to make sound, well-considered decisions about our country’s future.

As you come to truly know yourself — values, beliefs, strengths, weaknesses, passions, dreams — you will come to more easily recognize those characteristics and qualities in others, and to appreciate them, as well. You will be able to recognize the value of working together.

Eleven years ago, I went through a life-changing leadership development program. One of the things I learned is: No one of us is as smart as all of us.

No one of us is as smart as all of us.

Before we dive into relationships with others, let’s take a close look at ourselves today. Take an inventory of your strengths and weaknesses with respect to building and maintaining relationships.

Which skills do you believe to be your strengths?

Which skills would you be well-served to work on?

You can do what I cannot do. I can do what you cannot do. Together, we can do great things.  — Mother Teresa

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Intentional Leadership – Month Two – Relationships

February 10, 2013 by llpllc

On Monday, we will begin month two of our intentional leadership journey. As has become the pattern, I will share thoughts and exercises with you Monday – Friday each week. The premise for month two is this: Relationships are the best indicators of a successful and satisfied life.

If you’ve been through some “personality” assessments, you may have been categorized as a “task-focused” person rather than a “relationship-focused” person. Earlier in my life, I was more task-focused. I believe it’s the result of having grown up in an unstable household, the circumstances of which lead me to believe that I could count on only myself, and it was much safer to not need people or allow them to get close; after all, they would only disappoint or hurt me.

Those beliefs and behaviors served me well for some time. I learned to be very responsible, independent, self-sufficient, able to learn nearly any skill I needed to get through life’s basic needs and challenges. But there came a time when those beliefs and behaviors became more of a detriment to me. My ability to expand my influence and ability to get work done was severely limited. I had alienated a lot of people.

Over time, and a lot of painful experiences, I learned that not only would I be able to accomplish more and do whatever it was better, but also my life would be much richer if I could develop healthy relationships with people. It was hard. It required me to let my guard down and admit that I couldn’t do it all myself, and it was ok to need people.

I won’t say it’s been a bed of roses ever since. I’ve made bad decisions about trusting some, and not trusting others. I’ve been hurt, more than once. But I’ve also come to really value the relationships I have developed and have a true understanding of the saying: No one of us is as smart as all of us. I truly am more productive, effective, and able to accomplish so much more by connecting with others and spreading the load. And it’s ever so much more satisfying.

I learned that I cannot lead if I am the only one…as they say, if you are by yourself, you are not leading, merely taking a walk!

I believe in the power of true connection which leads to synergy which results in something so much greater than the sum of its parts. However, I also know that this doesn’t just happen. Often, especially in business, you will find groups of people who toil under the illusion they are a team and are all working on the same thing. When you get into the thick of whom they are and what they are doing, however, you discover they are just a group of people who think they are a team…and the results they achieve are either equal to or less than what the individuals would accomplish alone.

True teams do not happen by accident. They take time, intention, and focus to build. But when they really come together, the outcomes can be amazing – significantly more than the sum of their parts.

As we prepare to start Week One of Month Two, take a few minutes to think about these things:

How are your strengths and weaknesses reflected in your relationships?

How have relationships throughout your life helped you to grow into a leader?

When have you put aside relational differences to pursue a shared goal?

What sacrifices have you made for the sake of a relationship?

I look forward to this next part of our journey. Please share your thoughts along the way.

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Intentional Leadership – Month One – Vision – Wrap-up

February 9, 2013 by llpllc

We’ve just spent the last four weeks together, focusing on the visions we have cast for our teams/organizations. How did it go for you?

In West Virginia, we’ve had a lot of snow off-and-on over the last couple of weeks, which can create hazardous driving conditions. When I’m a passenger in the car, I can enjoy the beauty and magic of the snow. When I’m the driver, I have other concerns – and being able to see, clearly, where I am going is critical. I must be ever vigilant paying attention to the snow coming down, the road conditions, other drivers, and the occasional critter that decides it must also use the road I’m on. It would be lazy and reckless of me to do anything less.

The same can be said of leaders. It’s critical that we are able to cast a compelling vision in a simple and clear manner, so that our teams and organizations can easily understand. If we do it well, and are able to inspire them, they are likely to commit to helping you achieve it, knowing it’s an opportunity to be part of something much greater than them.

I encourage you to dream big. Find that thing that drives you, that fills you with passion. Paint a vivid picture of it for yourself and others. Determine the path you must start down in order to reach it…then take action.

It’s been said that everyone dreams of something. For some, the dream is so real you can almost reach out and touch it, for others it’s just a passing fancy. For some it’s a wish, for others it’s a belief. If you are the vivid dreamer, and you believe in your vision, you will succeed, but you must get started.

If you’re still following this blog – joining me on this intentional leadership journey – I suspect there is some longing within you, some stirring within your soul that has you excited about the future.

What is it?

What do you long to do, be, or have more of?

What do you want to create in the world?

Whatever it is, grab hold of it, nurture it, bring it forth into the world…do not let it fade away, for we will all miss out!

On Monday, we will begin Month Two of our journey, focused on relationships. “See” you then!

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Intentional Leadership – D5, W4, M1 – Weekend Prep – Vision

February 8, 2013 by llpllc

This is becoming our Friday routine. Did you anticipate it?

As we come to the end of this first month on our Intentional Leadership journey, will you spend some time in reflection of the work you’ve done over the past week and consider how it’s going?

Are you ahead of me this week and already have your weekend thought out?

How much rest do you need this weekend?

How much – and what kind of – activity do you need?

Who can you spend time with that will encourage, nurture, stimulate, support you?

Who needs some of your time and attention?

What do you need to do for yourself this weekend — to relax, refresh, reflect, reinvigorate?

What do you need to do to prepare yourself for a great start to next week, preparing for Monday?

As is my norm, I don’t have the time scheduled, but have a few things I know I need to attend to:

I need to get more sleep this weekend than I have been.

I will spend time reading, playing, and doing homework with my son.

I will read at least an hour of something fun and an hour of something on growth.

I will spend at least two hours working through curriculum in the John Maxwell Online University and at least two hours on business accounting.

I will call my parents. I will respond to some personal emails. I will handwrite a couple of letters — one to a mentor and one to an old roommate (I confess to not completing this task last weekend).

And I will prepare for Monday…as we all know, Monday is going to arrive; it always does. I know I feel better when I’ve given some thought to how I want it to be.

Again, what thought are you giving to things you have planned or need to prepare for or complete in the coming months?

On Monday, we will begin month two of our Intentional Leadership Journey, and our focus will shift from Vision to Relationships.

Remember, success comes from taking steps and doing work each and every day, consistently over time. You’ll see the benefits of your efforts if you are persistent and consistent.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll “see” you on Monday!

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Intentional Leadership — D4, W4, M1 — Vision

February 7, 2013 by llpllc

Thursday is the day for reflection.

Take some time today to consider what you heard from your trusted colleagues yesterday.

What did you hear that was good?

What did you hear that concerned you?

Would your work carry on because of the legacy you left?

One of the keys to success is self-awareness. This is true true regardless of the position you hold in an organization, and especially so for a leader. We must face the truth and learn from it.

What have you learned about yourself as you focused on your vision this month?

Where are you strong?

Where do you fall short?

What changes will you make in your leadership style as a result of this examination?

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Intentional Leadership — D3, W4, M1 — Vision

February 6, 2013 by llpllc

Armed with your clearly defined vision, the plans you drafted last week, and your evaluation of your preparation from yesterday, it’s now time to get some feedback from trust colleagues or confidants. As we all know, others often see us differently than we see ourselves, so it’s always good to get some insight from others.

Today, find two or three people who know you well, and are familiar with your work. It’s critical that you have sound relationships with these folks, because you need them to tell you the truth.

Ask them for their thoughts on what would happen with your team or organization if you were to leave; would the team/organization be able to carry on successfully without you?

Do they understand your vision well enough to continue driving toward it?

Are they committed to your vision such that they would continue to pursue it, even if you weren’t there to lead them?

Have you equipped them well enough to keep moving forward without you?

What are your answers to these questions? How do your answers fit with what you heard from others?

Several thoughts come to mind for me…

First, I’ve often thought it a sign of an effective leader that his/her team or organization is fully able to carry on the business of the organization in the leader’s absence. It says the leader developed a strong team, provided clear guidance and expectations, equipped the team with the resources it needed,  and is able to leave them to their work, knowing all will be well.

Second, having this kind of conversation with trusted colleagues will tell you a great deal about how you are perceived and the effectiveness of your leadership — provided you have developed trust-based relationships with them, so they will tell you the truth, even if it is uncomfortable.

Third, if the team/organization would continue to pursue your vision in your absence, it says the vision truly speaks to the others and they haven’t been “following” you simply because you have a title, position, or authority to make them do it.

As I often tell the leaders I coach, the higher you rise in an organization, the less likely you are to get the kind of candid feedback about your performance from those around and below you, and the more you really need it.

Seek it out!

And when you receive it, consider it a gift…just listen. Say “Thank you.” Reflect on what you heard. Follow up.

It will make you a better leader.

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Intentional Leadership — D2, W4, M1 — Vision

February 5, 2013 by llpllc

Today, we’re going to take some time to evaluate our effectiveness related to defining and communicating our vision.

Take a few minutes to reflect on these components and and rate your effectiveness:

Remember, 1 = weak and 10 = strong.

How well are you able to cast and define a vision for your team/organization?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

How well can you explain your vision — simply and concisely — to your team/organization?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

How effective are you at communicating the vision over time?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

How well do you link goals, milestones, and strategy to your vision?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

How do you rate your employees’ level of commitment to your vision?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

How honest were you with yourself in assessing your effectiveness above? Following this assessment, what areas of vision definition, communication, and reinforcement do you need to spend more time and energy on?

What resources do you need to grow in your weaker areas (books, mentors, experts, outside perspectives, focused practice)?

What are you risking if you do not improve? How could that affect your team and organization?

We are coming close to the end of month one, focused on vision. If you have work to do in this area, time is of the essence!

“See” you tomorrow!

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This is not a dress rehearsal

February 4, 2013 by llpllc

YOLO. Surely you’ve heard this before today – You Only Live Once.

This simple fact is something that has been resident in my mind for some time, and I am fortunate to be reminded of it by others at varying intervals.

Take the chance meeting I had with a gentleman last August at the West Virginia State Chamber of Commerce Annual Business Meeting at the The Greenbrier Resort. There was an ice cream social on the agenda on the first day of the meeting.

Not one to miss a good hot fudge sundae (for me, this requires hand-dipped hard ice cream – no soft serve!), of course I stopped by one of the serving stations. I stood there for a few minutes pondering the level of bad manners I would be displaying if I picked up the bowl of hot fudge and asked the server to put a couple of scoops of vanilla into it, rather than ask for the ice cream and put some hot fudge on it. Finally, having allowed my better manners to prevail, I started to turn away, delicious dessert in hand, when I noticed the man who had come up behind me. His name tag indicated he worked for a private university system where a good friend also works. I used the opportunity to introduce myself. Little did I know it was a divine appointment in the making!

Having someone in common, and in need of a place to sit and enjoy our sundaes, we made our way over to a table and sat down to eat and chat. Three hours later, we were surprised to be interrupted by the banquet staff, needing us to relocate as they needed to reset the room for a dinner that evening.

It was a profound and interesting conversation as he shared his dreams, his longing to do something bigger and more meaningful than what his daily work amounted to, and his realization that time was passing quickly. “This isn’t a dress rehearsal,” he said, painfully aware that each day he puts off actively pursuing his dream of writing a book, the closer he is to the day when it will be too late. We’ve spoken several times since then, and I don’t believe he is any closer to getting started.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve been listening to JoDee Messina this week. This morning, another song grabbed by attention as I was thinking about this concept of only living once. Here it is:

Was that My Life*

I don’t want to be the one who’s old before their time

And lose the wonder that I felt as a child

I can’t run this race believing I might lose

Still so much to see, so much left to do

Yes, I’ll fall more than I’ll fly

But no one can say I never tried

We just get one ride around the sun in this dream of time

It goes so fast, then one day we look back and we ask:

Was that my life?

I close my eyes and think how lucky I have been

To hold the ones I love and share my dreams with them

All those sunny days and all those starry skies

Good morning kisses and sweet goodnights

I can’t tell them enough just how much they are loved

We just get one ride around the sun in this dream of time

It goes so fast, then one day we look back and we ask:

Was that my life?

I appreciate these reminders, as they keep me focused on doing the things I need to each day, so I don’t need to worry about that day coming and being full of the “I wish I would have…” angst and disappointment. It’s a work in progress for me.

How about you?

What matters most to you?

What do you long to do?

What change do you want to make in the world?

Who do you need to reconnect with, make amends with?

What adventures do you yearn to go on?

Whatever it is, what do you need to do today to get started moving in the direction of your purpose, your future?

As the man said: This is not a dress rehearsal.

I encourage you to make the most of every day, knowing you will fall before you fly, but if you persist you will get there!

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