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Becoming an intentional leader — Day 1 (month 1, week 1) Vision

January 14, 2013 by llpllc

Last May, I attended the Chick-fil-A Leadercast. It was a powerful event and food for my growth plan. I learned a number of lessons that day, and have been mindful to apply them over this past 8 months, and have shared a number of them with others. I purchased a number of books through the Leadercast and received a couple of additional benefits. One of them, a booklet called Intentional Leader, created by Giant Impact (the organization that runs the Leadercast every year). I rediscovered it last week while organizing my home office. It offers twelve months of lessons, broken out for a 5-day week (with prep work for weekends), with each month focused on a different topic. At the end of each day’s lesson is one or more questions, intended to help the reader dig deeper into their thought processes and beliefs.

I’m a couple of weeks past the start of the year, but there’s no time like the present to learn and grow. So, I’m starting today. Won’t you join me?

Month 1 is Vision; week one is Personal Vision; day one is…

Leading others well begins with leading yourself well. And without a strong personal vision driving your own leadership, even this task can prove difficult.

In the beginning, the first, most critical step towards becoming an effective leader is self-awareness. You must know your strengths and weaknesses. You must understand what it is you seek to achieve. Once you understand your vision, you must be able to articulate it. Then, you must reinforce your words with your actions. Hold strong against the people and forces you will inevitably encounter that will attempt to deter you from your path.

Envision yourself succeeding, and refuse to let failure deter your vision.

My personal vision is to continue to grow and to reach out to as many people as I can to share the gifts I’ve been given, adding value to whomever crosses my path along my journey. To that end, I’ve invested in myself in many ways throughout my life — classes, workshops, seminars, reading, gleaning wisdom from a variety of mentors, and surrounding myself with others who share my passion and are also on a growth journey. I’ve become a John Maxwell certified Coach, Trainer, and Speaker, and am building a business focused on helping others discover their passion, overcome self-limiting beliefs, develop and implement plans to reach their goals, and to realize their full potential.

I’ve got the beginning steps in place and I can see the next few I need to take, but I’m a long way from fully realizing my dream and my potential. But that’s ok, because I know it’s a journey and it will take me some time. This is the kind of work — for me at least — that comes so naturally and is so fulfilling, the idea of “retiring” doesn’t seem very appealing!

Question: What may be preventing you from confidently believing in your personal vision?

Posted in Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

What’s your growth plan for 2013?

January 9, 2013 by llpllc

If you are reading this, you are probably already aware that growth doesn’t just happen – it’s intentional.

Knowing that, what’s your growth plan for this year? What do you want to learn? What do you want to know more about? What new skill would you like to develop? What new experience do you want to have?

These are all important questions to ask yourself. More important are the answers. Even more important is how will you address them? What is your plan for achieving those things you long for?

What is your plan for achieving those things you long for?

Remember, hope is not a strategy!

Making a resolution is not a strategy!

If you are serious about achieving your goals – and have experienced any kind of success in your life previously – you know that you must have a plan, and you must take specific action steps, and you must reflect on your process, and then make adjustments along your journey.

I have a plan; here it is:

  • I will spend no less than 2 hours weekly working my way through the amazing curriculum offered by the John Maxwell Team University (leadership philosophy, coaching, marketing and sales, business building, and so much more).
  • I will participate in a minimum of 4 hours of the mentorship calls each week (this is a resource I am still amazed to have access to through JMT). 
  • I will facilitate a minimum of 6 Mastermind Groups covering a variety of topics of growth, leadership and personal development, and how to reach higher levels of performance in whatever you choose to do.
  • I will spend a full week learning with the John Maxwell Team in February. Nothing like full immersion learning with ~500 others who share my passion!
  • I will intentionally teach someone something new at least 5 days a week; after all, teaching is the best way to really internalize something you are learning.
  • I will research and complete at least one other seminar, program or workshop – topic yet to be determined.
  • I will work with a professional performance coach, whose sole focus is supporting my success in whatever I strive to achieve.
  • I will learn from my coaching clients and Mastermind participants.
  • I will read at least 30 minutes every day.

Here’s my reading list (as I know it right this moment – I tend to fit a lot of other material in as I discover it!):

  • Think and Grow Rich
  • Put Your Dream to the Test
  • Off Balance
  • Failing Forward
  • 5 Levels of Leadership
  • Smart Trust
  • Crucial Conversations
  • Outliers
  • One Small Barking Dog
  • The Four Obsessions of an Extraordinary Executive
  • Go for Gold
  • Leadership Gold
  • Credibility
  • Platform
  • Standout
  • The Advantage
  • Thinkertoys

I will re-read:

  • Today Matters
  • The Rhythm of Life
  • The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (at least twice!)
  • The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth (at least twice!)
  • The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
  • The Three Signs of a Miserable Job

And as I read, I will make notes, I will file deep thoughts, I will deliberately note the things I will Apply, Change, and Teach (ACT tool). Based on experience, I know these books will lead me to other books and materials, so I will follow the bread crumbs as they appear.

Of course, I know where I desire to grow, but I also know that along the way opportunities and needs to grow in unanticipated areas and ways will emerge in my life. And while I know I will find myself in some uncomfortable places, I will do my best to welcome the discomfort because I know it means I’m on the right path – to growth, to a better version of myself, to greater fulfillment.

So what’s your plan? How will you achieve it? How will you hold yourself accountable to your commitments? How will you respond when you encounter the enormous boulder in your path – will you allow it to derail you, or will you take a deep breath, consider the situation, reaffirm your desire, and access the creative genius in you that will show you the way through?

How will you respond when you encounter the enormous boulder in your path – will you allow it to derail you, or will you take a deep breath, consider the situation, reaffirm your desire, and access the creative genius in you that will show you the way through?

Here’s a hint: If you don’t schedule it, it won’t happen! If you are truly committed, focused, and driven, you will block out the time, plan your work and work your plan.

I welcome your calls if you need a coach to help you on your journey, and I look forward to hearing your stories…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Food for Thought | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Another simple, yet powerful question

January 3, 2013 by llpllc

So often, as we consider various actions and options, we ask “Can I?”

I don’t know about you, but I find that to be a very limiting question. It assumes there is a yes or a no answer. Are you able or are you not? Do you have permission, resources, etc…?

It’s very black and white. I have come to realize that I prefer to live more in the gray areas. You know, those places where the answer to most questions is “It depends,” because there are so many variables to consider.

What if we changed the question to “How can I?”

How can I?

Asking “how can I?” assumes that whatever you want to do is, in fact, possible. It may take some focused brainpower, some innovation, some reflection, some consideration of ideas you may not have wanted to pursue…it may take you to some uncomfortable places and cause you to need to learn something new…but, it assumes whatever you want to do is possible.

In the early 1990’s, I was single, lived alone in a small, one-bedroom apartment, and worked in a credit union. I had been looking at and wanting some furniture — a sofa and oversized chair and ottoman — for several years, but never felt I could afford. One day, I was in the furniture store’s clearance center and saw one of the chairs there. I sent me into a brief panic, thinking that line was being closed out and would no longer be available when I eventually felt I could afford to buy it.

For several years, I had been looking at purchasing this furniture in the “can I?” mode.

I was suddenly very motivated to do some real research. I discovered it wasn’t being closed out; I could still order it. I discovered when the next significant sale would be. I worked out a plan to have the pieces I wanted delivered to a location near where I lived (the store I was shopping in was nearly 4 hours from my home), and found someone with a truck and trailer who could pick it up. I spent a lot of time considering my finances and what I was willing to do differently with respect to spending and saving and planning.

I had shifted gears into “how can I?” mode. And this made all the difference.

I’m not saying it happened overnight, was easy, and required no sacrifice on my part, but it happened. Several months after seeing the chair in the clearance center, I was lounging comfortably on my new sofa, next to my beautiful oversized chair, which just barely fit into my tiny apartment. I loved that furniture til the day I donated it to a local mission a number of years later (big changes in my life, resulted in new furniture needs!).

I realize this is a pretty simplistic — and insignificant — example of how using this question can change your perspective, your ingenuity, your creativity, and your outcomes, but it represents the concept well enough, I think.

Let me know how asking “HOW can I?” is changing your life.

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Is it worth it?

December 21, 2012 by llpllc

Is. It. Worth. It.

Four (well, ok, three with one repeat) small words that are so, so powerful. This short question applies to nearly any decision, transition, or turning point you will encounter in your life. And depending on the decision you make, you have the power to change not only your life but the lives of others around you — for better or worse.

A number of years ago, a friend shared with me a weight loss hypnosis program. The foundation is to be aware of what you are doing each time you take a bite or drink of something, and to make a conscious decision rather than mindlessly eating and drinking whatever is put in front of you.

I ask myself this question when I am tempted to indulge in dessert. For me, if I am going to consume something, it needs to taste as delicious as I expect it to, so that I can deem it worth the calories I am consuming. If not, the answer is clearly no, it’s not worth it; at least not for me.

Last week, I finished reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, by Marshall Goldsmith, a very successful executive coach. There’s a section in the book in which he discusses encouraging his coaching clients to consider whether what they are about to say is worth it. It’s not only executives who could benefit from asking this simple question. The idea is to be aware of the potential impact and consequences of what you are about to say, including the way you would say it, on whomever you are speaking to.

I can think of a number of situations in which this question could prevent a lot of pain. Like when you’ve allowed someone to push your buttons and you are about to respond with a mean, hurtful remark. Like when you are in pain and want someone else to feel it, too. Like when you are already aware of what someone has decided to share with you, and you are tempted to say so — potentially giving the impression of superiority, or diminishing the value of the messenger and what they have to offer. Like when you are upset about something entirely disconnected to the person you’re with and are tempted to take it out on them.

Consider the value of this question when posed with a situation — perhaps an opportunity — that may be questionable. Meaning, it might seem like a good idea unless whatever it is were to become known publicly. In this case, it speaks to integrity (see earlier blog on “who are you when no one is looking”!). Are the risks and consequences worth whatever it is you think you will gain from doing whatever it is you are about to do?

What about when you are offered an opportunity that isn’t exactly on the path you’ve set for yourself? If the “detour” is a brief one, but offers the chance to learn a new skill, gain some new experience, or otherwise provide you with some benefit, and you can smoothly resume your journey, the answer may be yes; it may be worth it. If the “detour” will pull you in a very different direction than the path you’ve set for yourself, and you risk waking up one day in the future wondering “how in the world did I end up here? This isn’t what I wanted…” Well, in this case, it may not be worth it.

It applies when making financial decisions, as well. Do you purchase something simply because it carries a specific logo? Is your purchase decision based on quality? Is it based on the value you perceive the item to have, or based on the value others will perceive it to have?

I won’t pretend to imagine I know every single situation you may encounter when asking yourself this simple, yet oh-so-powerful question might save you — and those around you — some unnecessary pain, anxiety, discomfort, set-back on the way to your goals, but I do know there are numerous possibilities…daily.

The key is to be aware, to consider the potential risks, benefits, and consequences, and make a conscious decision about what to say or do next.

How could you benefit by taking the time to ask and answer this simple question:

Is it worth it?

I’ll leave the consideration to you. In the meantime, I encourage you to have an intentional day!

Posted in Food for Thought | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Are we communicating right now?

December 13, 2012 by llpllc

While I might like to think so, the answer is “no.” As I work on this blog, I sit at a computer and type out my thoughts, essentially putting words in a row. Then I post them into my blog and hit the “Publish” button. My words fly out into cyberspace and while I hope they have some meaning for whomever reads them—that they will spark some new thoughts for you or allow you to realize some new insight into something you’ve been pondering—I may never know.

Communication is very simple. It requires at least two people and some form of feedback. One sends a message. The second receives and interprets the message and responds in some way (and yes, “no response” may be the response!). This response is the feedback that allows the sender to determine whether the message was received and interpreted as intended. The process can stop or move forward in a lot of different ways from this point.

I am writing this particular blog because I’ve been thinking a lot about how social media is changing how we communicate, and I’m not convinced it’s necessarily in a good way. This probably sounds counter-intuitive for someone who blogs and hopes to attract a faithful following of readers, but here’s how my thought process has gone:

I published my first post on this site on 14 August 2012. Since then, I’ve had people from Canada, Australia, France, Russia, Nigeria, South Africa, United Kingdom, Venezuela, Singapore, Micronesia, Belgium, Philippines, Sri Lanka, Uganda, Trinidad and Tobago, and the US, who presumably have viewed various pages of my web site, based on the site stats. So, I could infer that all of those people have read my blogs, but I don’t really know for sure — they may have simply clicked in and clicked back out — unless they leave a comment or contact me directly; this is the feedback that completes the communication loop.

When I publish a new post, it is broadcast on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. I admit, these notifications are my only tweets (well, 99.9999% of the time!). Last week, I received a couple of emails stating I had new followers on Twitter. That’s a good thing, right? But I looked more closely at the notifications and these two folks – now following me – are also following 49,284 and 14,918 other tweeters, respectively.

In thinking about a person’s capacity for truly following and taking in new information, and the concept of quality versus quantity, I’m in a quandary over these new followers. I should be pleased; I’m told the goal is to have large numbers of followers. But I have to ask: If someone is “following” 49,248 people, what’s the quality of what they are receiving? What is my actual potential for impact within that enormous cloud of messages flying around?

And what about Facebook? I took the plunge and created a profile and page for my business, and for business I do find it useful. I scroll through the News Feed page and see everyone’s updates and comments, and while it’s nice to “see” what folks are up to, it also leaves me with a sense of longing for what’s not there – true connection with the people in my life.

Updates often appear to be spur-of-the-moment snippets of lives as people are living them or just passing along something someone saw, with no personal comment or update attached. For example, a friend of mine lives in another state. At one time we were very close, but the demands of life and the nearly 3,000 miles that separate us have left us somewhat disconnected. She occasionally posts updates, but they are “shared” information – pictures and whatnot, nothing personal.

It leaves me feeling sad that we have the time to share photos and sayings and post brief snippets, but claim to just be “so busy” that we haven’t had time to really connect with the important people in our lives. I wonder if this is my solitary experience and perception, or if others feel it, too.

It was said that technology would make our lives easier and we wouldn’t have to work as much or as hard; that doesn’t appear to be the case. I see people working longer hours on more projects…not less. I think social media may be having the same effect – we have the illusion of being more connected and there certainly are more messages flying around, but are we really communicating?

I can speak for only myself, and here’s my final thoughts on this topic tonight: Social media offers some useful tools, but for me these tools do not replace true communication, real connection with people. I don’t know about you, but I long for deep connection and meaningful conversations with the people in my life. I much prefer the face-to-face interaction, and consider a phone a reasonable second choice.

What do you think? Please, leave a comment, provide some feedback, and help me turn this blog into actual communication!

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Creating alignment and harmony

December 5, 2012 by llpllc

When you  consider your life, what do you see? How do you feel?

Earlier, we discussed how every thing is made of energy, and as such has a vibration, a frequency. When your words, actions, thoughts, and beliefs are in alignment, your vibration is in alignment with the rest of your life. When they are not, your vibration is not on the same frequency. You’ve heard the saying, “I got a bad vibe from that…” Well, the speaker may have thought he or she was speaking figuratively, but in fact, was speaking truth about the true state of the environment.

So, how do you get back in alignment and create harmony in your life when you feel “bad vibes”? The answer is simple but the solution may not necessarily be easy.

Harmony requires alignment with values, beliefs, thoughts, actions, and words. For example, if you say you desire a healthier lifestyle, what will we discover when we examine your life?

What’s in your refrigerator and pantry? Will we find healthy food and beverage choices?

How do you spend your free time? Exercising? Surfing the net? Watching TV?

With whom do you spend your time? People who share your desire for health and demonstrate that belief through activity and eating habits? Or with people who encourage you to eat the kinds of foods and spend time doing the kinds of things that do not result in a healthy lifestyle?

Nearly a year ago, I traveled to Florida for training. I chatted with the car service driver who drove me to the airport to return home. I asked him how he liked his job. He said it was good, offered him some flexibility. I asked him if he carried a book with him, for something to do between runs. He said no, with some enthusiasm; he lived nearby and was able to run home between calls. I asked what he did at home. I spend a lot of time on Facebook. I asked what he was doing on Facebook. He said he was reading about all the drama between his family and friends. I asked if he intended to drive people around indefinitely. Oh no, he said. He went on to explain that he wants to own his own business so he could be the boss and have flexibility to work when he wanted. I asked what kind of business. A car wash or maybe a gas station / convenience store would be nice, he thought. Then I asked the question that killed the conversation.

How will spending all your free time on Facebook, reading about the drama between your family members and friends, help you reach your goal of owning your own business?

The car was silent until we reached the airport, he removed my bags, I gave him a tip, and he said “Thank you” and drove away.

Please don’t read anything into my comment about Facebook. I use it for my business. I believe there are a lot of ways it can be useful. But, if one is spending all his / her time reading and posting family life and activity status updates, it seems unlikely to me that that behavior will help achieve the goal of owning a business.

The point here is this: His behaviors and words were not in alignment with his stated goal. I was disappointed that my simple inquiry killed the conversation. I hope I made him think.

If you think about it, this line of thinking can be applied to any aspect of your life, any goal, stated desire, any thing you want to achieve. Just take the time to reflect on your desires and what’s currently happening in your life. If you are in alignment, I applaud you. If your vibes feel wrong, and the feeling is uncomfortable enough that you are ready to do something about it, you might consider working with a skilled coach who can help you explore the disconnects and put together an achievable plan to reach your goals and change your circumstances.

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The brush of a feather…or a 2 x 4?

December 2, 2012 by llpllc

I am blessed to be mentored by Paul Martinelli, President of the John Maxwell Team. This last week he offered a lesson on coming to a place of harmony in one’s life.

If we understand that every thing is made from energy and every thing has a vibration, a frequency, this lesson will be easier to grasp.

If you are in a place in your life where all is as it should be, and you are in harmony, your frequency will be in sync with every thing around you. If you are not in harmony, then your vibration will be out of sync with every thing around you and you will begin to experience discomfort. Think of it as static — mixed signals making a lot of annoying, distracting noise — similar to what you might experience with a radio station from time-to-time.

Typically, it’s while you are in this state that you may feel the whisper-light brush of a feather on your cheek…and it may be nudging you in a new direction.

If you are self-aware enough to feel the brush of the feather and recognize it for what it is, you may allow yourself to move in that new direction- recognizing that it is time for you to make a change in some aspect of your life. If you don’t, the feather will continue its efforts to capture your attention and nudge you in the new direction, and it will become stronger, and stronger, and stronger, until it becomes a 2 x 4…and if you ignore the 2 x 4, it will soon feel as if you have been hit with a ton of bricks!

The message: It’s time for a change!

It’s time for a change!

I have experienced this on numerous occasions in my life, and if you look at my work history (or my sister’s address book entries for me!) you will begin to get the picture. I am not a maintainer; I am a concept developer, a starter, a “get it rolling and let someone else take over to handle the details and deal with the closure, while I move on to the next thing…” person. I love the challenge of change and the opportunity it provides for me to learn, grow, stretch, and discover.

As a result, in my professional life, once I feel I have mastered my responsibilities, I seek new ones. If it happened that I could do that with the same employer, life was good. If it happened that the opportunity wasn’t there, it was time to move on. For example, one of my jobs involved handling employee communication, media relations, grower communication (like stock holders), community relations, and managing a company store. As such, I was responsible for monthly and quarterly newsletters, for supporting a variety of community organizations — including attending a series of special events held at the same time each year, and a number of other tasks that quickly became routine. Once I felt I had mastered those routine tasks, and needed something new to keep my interest, I got involved with some HR initiatives to develop a high-performing organization. I took responsibility for leading the company’s Corporate Social Responsibility efforts.

When I discussed my career aspirations with the CEO, he said I could get involved in anything I wanted and take on any new responsibilities I was interested in, but he didn’t foresee the company hiring someone new to take on some of my “routine” duties. So, I could grow my position as much as I wanted, but I would not be able to shed any responsibilities. My response: If this “role/job/title” is all I will ever be here, then I’m in the wrong place, because I know I am destined to do more, to be more…It was time to leave. So, I did. It was a heart-wrenching decision, as this was the healthiest company I had ever worked for (and still holds that distinction), with people I enjoyed working with and learning from.

I have had this experience several times over the course of my career (20+ years). It’s not that the companies I’ve worked for were necessarily bad, or that the jobs I’ve held were bad…I simply outgrew them.

Looking back on that particular experience, I believe I recognized the brush of the feather fairly early. I branched out, took on new things, learned new skills, worked   on key initiatives not in my primary area of responsibility, and still I needed more. I needed to be able to let go of some things, so I could continue to take on the new things, continue to learn, grow, and be challenged. When I discovered it was not to be, at least not there, perhaps that was when the 2 x 4 hit me! It certainly resulted in significant changes in my life: Sold my house, moved to a new area, started a new job with a new challenge…

This message was very timely for me, as I am currently in that place again. I have one foot in one world and one foot in another world, one that I recognize as my true purpose, passion, reason for being here…this world I know is my future. I have some work to do to make the transition complete but I’ve followed the feather and am adjusting my course. I see all new road signs on this path, and they are directing me to my rightful place.

I am thankful for the experiences, the people who have guided me along the way, and the opportunities that are opening up for me.

What about you? Are you uncomfortable? Out-of-sync with people and/or circumstances in your life? Do you feel the static? Do you have one foot in one world and one foot in another? Or have you not taken the step because you are fearful?

Have you felt the feather brush your cheek? Or have you been hit by a 2 x 4?

Try being still…just breathe and listen…

Posted in Food for Thought | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Gratitude

November 22, 2012 by llpllc

It’s only fitting, on Thanksgiving Day, to write about gratitude.

Thankfulness

On this day, I want to share with you the things I am thankful for:

Having found my passion. The opportunity to live out my passion. The opportunity to do good work and add value to others.

The many gifts and talents bestowed upon me. The “divine appointments” with people who come into my life…it’s always for a reason!

Health. Books. Education. Learning. Growth.

Nice place to live. Reliable car.

People who love me, support me, nurture me, believe in me — both family and friends.

The people who have asked me to accompany them on their journeys (coaching clients).

The people who have invited me to share some of the lessons I’ve learned on communication, leadership, teamwork, influence, relationships, and growth (speaking engagements and workshop clients).

The people who have allowed me to facilitate learning opportunities through Mastermind Groups.

The people who have shared their stories and lessons learned with me, giving me the opportunity to learn from their experiences.

The opportunity to spend this holiday at an indoor water park with my husband and son (who will turn 6 next week) and watching the joy on my son’s face as he played on the slides, in the pools, under the various showers, and float along the “lazy river” in a double tube (he ought to sleep good tonight!). The opportunity to glide through the various enclosed tubes and slides, fast and free, totally exhilarated!

A delicious breakfast this morning — served by people working what would normally be their day-off. A yummy turkey dinner this afternoon.

As I was thinking about what I would write, I Googled “gratitude.” In addition to the usual links (dictionaries, Wikipedia, etc…), I came upon the Go Gratitude Project. I am fascinated by the premise; it makes me think of an earlier awakening I had when I invited all of you to start a movement with me — by asking people what they would want if they could ask for a small miracle — then, of course, doing whatever you could to create the miracle for them.

I have signed up for the Go Gratitude Project’s 42 days of gratitude messages (am assuming the first one will appear in my inbox tomorrow…we’ll see!). There is a link for something called the Master Key Movie which I intend to watch very soon (Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving Special is on, so I admit to being a little distracted!).

In the meantime, I offer this abridged list of the things I am thankful for on this glorious day.

What are you thankful for? Have you shared your gratitude with those who count?

It’s a powerful act — expressing gratitude.

Finally, I am thankful for you … the people who read what I write, share your thoughts and comments, and pass along my thoughts to others. I may not know you, but I am truly thankful for you.

Posted in Food for Thought | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Recognizing the need to “show up”

November 12, 2012 by llpllc

I’ve recently finished reading two memoirs, one by Rob Lowe (Stories I Only Tell My Friends) and one by Andrew McCarthy (The Longest Way Home: One Man’s Quest for the Courage to Settle Down), and actually enjoyed them both very much.

Both shared stories of their personal journeys, and while they phrase it differently, both were (are) striving to become a better version of themselves so they are able to “show up” and really be present for the people they love. As McCarthy put it, it wasn’t just about being able to be physically present with his family – that would be easy enough – but more importantly to be emotionally present, available, vulnerable, and truly connect with his loved ones.

As they both “grew up” in the insanity of Hollywood, it may be easy for us to think we know them as we’ve heard stories about them for years in the media – but I caution you from making that mistake; all is not necessarily what it appears to be on the surface. Yes, they made mistakes. Yes, they drank too much, partied too hard. And yes, thankfully, they recognized there was more to life than that and that their previous behaviors were not going to get them to the places and people they longed for.

Through it all, they proved that everyone has issues, challenges, fears, hopes, dreams, and makes mistakes; the hard stuff in life is not withheld from the wealthy, popular, and privileged. Life is life. People are people. Regardless of our circumstances, we all struggle with something.

…dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.

As Lowe said at one point, I tried to “outrun loneliness, outrun feeling ‘different,’ and outrun the shock that dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.” It reminded me of the saying: “Wherever you go, there YOU are.” Meaning, the grass may seem greener on the other side, but when you go there, you still have all your personal baggage…issues, fears, insecurities…it all goes with you. So the key is to change yourself, and maybe your environment, as well. But changing just your environment won’t bring you to the place you long to be.

Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.

At another point, Lowe says, “So, I came to the realization: Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.” I like this because it reminds me to take personal responsibility for my circumstances. Stuff happens in life; sometimes good, sometimes bad, and sometimes neutral. What matters is how I choose to approach it and what decisions I make about how I move forward. 

Near the end, Lowe says, “I also thought of my two boys and what kind of example I hoped to be. I would always want them to take charge of their own futures and not be paralyzed by the comfort and certainty of the status quo or be cowed by the judgment of those on the outside looking in.” High hopes for this father of two; but isn’t this what we would all want for our children, our loved ones, ourselves?

I applaud McCarthy and Lowe not only for taking the journey and being open to its lessons, but also for having the courage to bare at least a sliver of their souls to us in telling the stories; through their growth, we can be inspired and perhaps approach our own journeys with some assurance that we are not alone.

As the saying goes, I am striving to never settle for the path of least resistance, as I know that is the road to complacency. Complacency means no growth, and that doesn’t work for me. It’s also about continuing to reach for those things I know in my heart to be true and right for me, which doesn’t always match up with what others think I should be doing. 

What do you need to do to be able to truly “show up” for your life?

What journey are you – or should you be – on?

How will you chronicle your adventures and lessons learned?

Will you share it with others, so they can learn from your experiences?

*Please don’t get the impression I didn’t enjoy McCarthy’s story as much as Lowe’s; I just didn’t take notes as I went through it – I will when I re-read it.

 

 

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Breakthrough thinking

November 4, 2012 by llpllc

When I was little, my mom used to bake me a chocolate-chocolate chip cake every year for my birthday. Oh, it was rich, moist, and yummy. I so looked forward to my birthday every year so I could have some (and yes, I confess to eating most of the cake myself, it was that good!). When I was in my teens, I asked her for the recipe, so I could bake the cake myself.

I was in my middle twenties, having a conversation with a friend about favorite desserts and sharing how rich and delicious this cake was, and how I couldn’t wait for it to be my birthday, so I could have some.

My friend asked, do you have the recipe? Yes.

Well, can you get what you need to make it at a grocery store? Yes.

Is there something about this recipe I don’t understand that would make it possible for you to bake this cake only at your birthday? No, it’s just…and I rattled off the ingredients.

Then she asked the key question: I guess I don’t understand, she said. Why couldn’t you just go to the store and buy the ingredients and bake the cake anytime?

This was twenty years ago, and I remember it so clearly. The proverbial light bulb went off above my head as I realized there was no reason why I couldn’t bake the cake any day of the year. I had constructed rules that said I could have that particular cake only on my birthday. The constraints were all created and enforced by me. And when asked the right question, I realized how ridiculous it was, and that I could change my beliefs and behavior about the cake at any time.

Now, this is truly a trivial and insignificant issue in the scheme of life, but it’s an excellent example of the power of the coaching process.

As a coach, my job is to ask my participants questions that will stimulate their thinking, allowing them to examine the rules, constraints, beliefs, and self-created barriers that are keeping them from achieving their goals and reaching their potential. These “aha!” moments don’t happen in every session, but they happen, and once they do, it’s amazing to watch people realize that the only thing holding them back is themselves.

That’s the moment when true, significant growth and change takes place.

Looking forward to experiencing more of these moments in upcoming coaching sessions with the amazing people I am blessed to coach.

What’s holding you back?

What’s your equivalent to my chocolate cake?

When you’re ready to experience the power of this process, call me. I’ll be waiting…

And yes, if you want the recipe, I’m happy to share. Over the past 20 years, I’ve enjoyed that cake on numerous occasions throughout the year — and on my birthday!

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