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Posts Tagged ‘Doing the Right Thing’

Intentional Leadership — D4, W4, M2 — Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 7, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Time to get your journal out. Take some time today to reflect on the response you received from your intentional act of service yesterday.

How did your action affect your relationship with that person?

How did your self-less action strengthen your family or team?

When you’ve given that some time, reflect on the actions you have taken this month to add value to others, to encourage them in their potential, and to put your team’s agenda in front of your own. What new synergy has been created on your team as a result of your leadership in relationships?

Speaking from personal experience, I can attest to the fact that when I am intentional about doing things for others — when I focus on touching their heart before I ask for a hand — I reap the benefits in many ways. I form deeper, stronger relationships with others, which is far more satisfying – for me, anyway – than shallow interactions. I learn from them. I am better able to to help others because I come to understand who they are and what they need. And I have to say, I love doing the acts of kindness.

Sometimes it’s a stretch trying to tailor an act to someone specific — to do something for them that they will actually appreciate, rather than giving them something I think they should have. For example, last night, I brought home a bag of Jelly Belly’s for my husband — I know he loves them! Quick, simple, results in a smile.

What has your experience been?

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Intentional Leadership — D3, W4, M2 — Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Welcome to “Intentional Acts of Kindness” Day!

Today, think about how you can contribute to and invest in relationships. Perform one small, intentional, act of service for a co-worker, family member, or friend. And by “intentional” I mean think about it ahead of time, plan it out, consider the potential impact before you take action.

Here are a few suggestions:

  • Buy them a coffee or lunch
  • Give your seat to someone if you happen to take a bus or train
  • Write a Thank You note to someone (make it personal and specific)
  • Do another family member’s chores for the day
  • Arrange an introduction for someone you know who is looking for a job
  • Give one of your most valuable offerings — sit down and truly just listen to someone who needs a sounding board
  • Give someone a sincere, specific compliment

I’m sure you can come up with lots of other great ideas, more appropriate for the person you have in mind…but these should get your thoughts started!

Who will you invest in today?

What small act of service will you perform?

If this isn’t something you do often, I suspect you will be surprised by how good it feels to simply give and have no expectation for receiving anything in return. It does wonders for relationships when people understand you are just there, doing something kind, because it’s the right thing to do and there is no other agenda behind your actions.

Please, please…share your stories in the comments box below.

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Intentional Leadership — D3, W3, M2 — Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , on February 27, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Today we apply what we’ve been thinking about and reflecting on this week. I love this part! This is where the proverbial rubber meets the road — application of principles and practices. After all, if we don’t apply what we know, nothing will change. It’s the biggest gap there is — the one between knowing and doing.

Ready to take the leap?

Today, watch for the following situations, and take action on at least one. Choose one that will be more of a stretch for you; after all, if it’s easy, there’s less opportunity for growth and learning.

Understanding — Before being heard on a subject today, seek to understand the facts and the position/perspective of the others involved, first.

Talk TO Someone, Instead of ABOUT Someone — When you’re tempted to talk about someone, go to them and discuss the issue with them in person, instead.

Be Transparent — Communicate clearly with someone instead of trying to hid your true thoughts or emotions. This is where we get away from being “political,” meaning words and actions intended to be what others want to hear, rather than what you really feel or think.

Outstanding Promises — If you have made a promise to someone, fulfill it today. If the promise is overdue, apologize and seek forgiveness. Vow to do better next time, and follow through.

Ask for Help — Instead of working on your own to figure something out, ask someone you know who may have better ideas or more experience in the specific topic than you, and ask him or her for help.

I can speak for only myself, but each of these have been growth opportunities for me at various times in my life. I frequently remind myself to follow these guides, so I can maintain the credibility I’ve built and demonstrate the integrity people have come to expect from me. I goof up on occasion, as I think we would all admit we do.

Really, the idea that keeps coming to mind is: Be intentional.

If you’re really brave, practice more than one of these! And make it a daily habit; you’ll be amazed at how these actions can improve your relationships over time.

Let me know how it goes for you.

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Intentional Leadership — D1, W2, M2 — Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2013| Leave a Comment »

This week we are going to explore the potential we see in others.

How familiar are you with the story of Helen Keller?
She was unable to see and hear, and consequently, to speak. As a child, her parents brought in a tutor, Miss Sullivan, to teach her.
Miss Sullivan turned out to be most creative, perhaps even unconventional, in her methods for teaching Hellen to learn letters and words. She tried to “sign” a pattern of letters into Helen’s hand, but Helen failed to grasp their meaning.
Finally, Miss Sullivan took Helen out to the water pump in the yard, and held her hand under the running water. In her other hand, Miss Sullivan drummed out the patterns of the letters of the word “water;” Helen stood transfixed, feeling the water run over one hand while he focused on the pattern of the letters being tapped out in her other hand. It was ingenious!
Helen’s progress in learning was quite accelerated; she mastered a complex vocabulary, eventually learning to write — both the standard alphabet and in Braille. She even learned to speak.
She went on to graduate from college, wrote fourteen books, traveled to numerous countries, met a number of world leaders and served as an Ambassador for the American Foundation of the Blind.
It’s a miraculous story; one that would never have happened had Anne Sullivan not been brought in to tutor Helen, and had she not recognized Helen’s potential. The moral of the story: When we see the value in others, we have an opportunity to help them achieve great things.
Think back over the course of your life. Who believed in you?
What did they do to encourage you to stretch and go farther than you may have thought possible?
How did they demonstrate their belief in you?
Had they not believed in you — or didn’t demonstrate that belief — what impact would that have had on your life?
Who have you seen unrecognized potential in?
What did you do to nurture its growth?

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Small Dog Wisdom — Part 2 — The Big Dog Lie

Posted in Worth Reading, tagged , , , , on January 31, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Have you ever spent much time with a small dog? Did you notice the air of self-confidence they exude? To them, external measures are meaningless, as Ed Gungor says in his book One Small Barking Dog. And this, I can say was unequivocally true, at least for one of my two small dogs.

Bean-dip came first. She actually belonged to the neighbors when I bought my first house. They left her alone in the yard, all the time, regardless of the weather, with no suitable shelter. She would find ways to escape the fence and run to my doorstep, where she would sit and whine until I heard her and let her in. And let me tell you, once she was in, she OWNED the place! And after a few “visits” the neighbors decided she didn’t need to come home anymore. She was brash and ferocious and assertive; afraid of nothing. I remember vividly the day she chased a full-sized garbage truck through the neighborhood barking up a storm as she ran…presumably saving the neighborhood from the foul-smelling, giant contraption. She was a Chihuahua-terrier mix, weighing a solid nine pounds on a good day. I don’t have a picture of her with me today, but if you want a visual, think “Taco Bell dog” from the late 1990’s!

Contrast her to Houdini, who I mistook for Bean-dip one rainy evening on my way home from work, silhouetted in the lights from on-coming traffic as he scurried across the road in front of the cars. I thought she had escaped the yard, only to discover this dog was male, an inch or so taller, and thinner than Bean-dip. Same short buff fur, and although according to the vet, he was a Basenji-Terrier mix, they looked like siblings. He was the quiet, gentle small dog, also confident in himself, but more interested in a cozy spot to nap than he was in taking on the world.

One lesson they reminded me of, frequently and in a variety of situations, was that small wasn’t less important or valuable than big, it was just different. But we live in a world that seems to compel us to continuously compare things, and sometimes one thing in that equation will be deemed of lesser value. Often it’s the smaller thing, isn’t it?
Just look at our cars and houses, our drive to accumulate more things, consider the so-called “value meals” in restaurants with ever-increasing portion sizes (of food that’s not necessarily good for us to begin with!)…but tell me, do these things equate to happiness, contentment, satisfaction, joy, and increased self-confidence?

I can speak for only myself, and my answer is “no.” Sure, I enjoy having nice things; I work hard, I buy quality, and I take good care of my things. But I have no misconception about what they are and what they represent. I need to be the right kind of person with a good heart and a giving spirit regardless of how I dress or what stuff I have and no amount of “stuff” is going to make me happy.

When I was working on my Master’s degree, there was a young man in my program. He was from Europe, very nice looking guy and smart. I soon learned he was also missing something significant. He was constantly buying things and when I say things, I don’t mean $10, inconsequential things (although he bought that kind of stuff in excess, as well), but I mean high-end expensive items – electronics, watches, clothing – and the labels and logos were very important to him; he bought whatever was considered the best at the time. One day, he was supposed to stop by to help with a house project. He pulled into the driveway in a brand new Jeep, one of the sportier models, fresh off the lot! He already had two other (not inexpensive) cars, and a motorcycle, if I remember correctly. He was bored, he said. Stopped by the car lot just for fun, and voila! He was now the proud new owner of this Jeep…that he couldn’t afford (his debt was staggering, and his compensation no match for what his monthly payments must have been)…and the next week, he was on a quest for the next thing, that next acquisition he was sure was going to make him happy.

As Ed Gungor says, on page 31 of One Small Barking Dog, “It’s what’s inside that counts most. And there’s another problem (with the big-dog lie): when externals matter too much, it makes you weird.”

Well put, Ed!

What do you think about the power of the small dog? And how does the “big dog lie” play out in your life?

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Small Dog Wisdom — Part 1

Posted in Worth Reading, tagged , , , on January 28, 2013| Leave a Comment »

My sister sent me a book for my birthday a couple of months ago. It’s called One Small Barking Dog, How to Live a Life That’s Hard to Ignore, by Ed Gungor. I didn’t ask her if she sent it because of the content – fitting right in with my passion and purpose – or if it was because of the small dog (I used to have two small dogs, one of whom believed herself to be bigger than anything and everything around her – both in heaven, now).

I’ve been reading through it over the past week, and there is a lot of wisdom in this little book, so I thought I would share some of the pearls with you over the course of a few blog posts.

The first gem that captured my attention is the idea of daring to be small. In today’s society, it seems the goal is for us to be bigger than life, the best at whatever, forces to be reckoned with, driving dramatic change. Gungor presents the idea that, perhaps, truly our purpose is to do the “small” things…to be the purveyor of small acts of kindness, changing the world one act or one person at a time. In fact, he goes on to explain that all too often, we do or say things that have profound impacts on people of which we may be completely unaware.

It’s heartening to me to think this is the right and good thing, after all. You see, I have told people, on more than one occasion that I knew I was meant to do big things, as I shouldn’t actually be here. Considering the circumstances I grew up in, I shouldn’t have been born (or at least the odds of my having been born healthy and “normal” were not in my favor). Many events in my childhood very easily could have been my last. And I’ve done things in my adult life that weren’t brilliant. Based on all these things, I have concluded someone is watching over me and there must be something very important I am here to do; the lesson is that maybe it’s not something big, maybe I’m destined to do small things!

Beginning on page 59, Gungor presents evidence on the improbability of our actually being conceived and born in the first place (255,500,000,000 billion to one – worse odds than the lottery!), not to mention all the odds our ancestors faced—generation after generation—which culminated in any of us being born (this logic is also spelled out in Bill Bryson’s A Short History of Nearly Everything). So, with this kind of logic in mind, it seems clear to me that each of us has a purpose – some important thing we are here to do…and yet, that important thing (or more likely things – plural) may be something small, seemingly unnoticeable by many, but which makes an enormous difference in someone else’s life.

It is heartening to think it’s the right and true thing that each day I have the opportunity to make a difference for someone else. It’s likely my efforts will never earn a front page story or make the Headline News on TV…but to know that in the lives of the people I encounter each day – regardless of my relationship to them – I have the opportunity to be a positive force.

And I’m oh so thankful for the people who have made huge differences in my life over the years, through what may have appeared to be small gestures of kindness or thoughtfulness. The ones who loved and supported me no matter how hugely I blundered. The ones who believed in me when I was unsure of myself. The ones who encouraged me to reach higher and farther than I at first thought I could. The ones who shared their time, attention, and yes, sometimes even money when I needed it. The ones who showed up with some resource I needed, right when I needed it. The ones who connected me with the others I’ve needed to know. The ones who, kindly, redirected me when I was clearly off-track. The ones who have left chocolates on my desk, just because, and made the effort to learn my preference (dark over milk!). The ones who trust me enough to allow me to coach them through the significant changes they are making in their lives.

With this reinforcement, and the knowledge it’s just the right thing to do, I will continue to do those things I believe will add value to others (so if you see me at a drive-thru window – pull in behind me – chances are very good I will pay for your order!) In closing, I encourage you to continue to do those “small” things to help, encourage, and support others. We really have no way of knowing how big the impact just might be.

One last thought…how different do you think the world would be if we took the time to acknowledge those “small” things others have done for us that made a difference?

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Want or need?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , on January 27, 2013| 3 Comments »

My 20-year old niece posted this on her Facebook page Friday night:

You’re everything I want, but nothing that I need.

Pretty profound stuff for such a young woman. There’s nothing else in her post, so I have no idea if it came from a song, something she’s reading, something she heard from someone else, or just from her heart, but it got me thinking about what a vast difference there is between the two.

It’s easy enough to jot down a list of all the things I want…a new bed, vacation in Italy, a library in my house with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with books and cozy chairs to snuggle into and read for hours, a cruise through the Inside Passage in Alaska, to see Chris Isaak in concert, again…and if I really want these things badly enough, they are all within my reach if I plan, prioritize, and save. But the point is, they are “wants,” truly not needs.

What I need is significantly different. I need nourishing food; adequate rest; regular exercise; to be surrounded by people who love, support, and nurture me; deep conversations with close friends; opportunities to learn and grow. Really pretty basic stuff, and yet so important.

Sure, it might be nice to have a closet full of new clothes and shoes, maybe a different car, a budget that would allow me to eat in restaurants every night of the week if I wanted or to go on vacation anywhere, anytime. But these things are just things; in the long run, they have no true and lasting value. They will not significantly add to the true quality of my life. They won’t make me a better or happier person. They won’t ensure my relationships are strong and healthy. They won’t make me different. They won’t make me better able to add value to others. They are, in fact, just more “stuff” to clutter up my life with. And for the past six months, or so, I have been actively working at cleaning out my drawers, closets, bookshelves, filing cabinets, and those never-ending boxes in the basement with a focus on getting rid of all this “stuff” that is cluttering up my home, my mind, and interfering with better energy and focus in my life.

The other consideration is that often we find ourselves wanting things we know are not healthy for us. For example, I love Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins. But, I know for a fact that eating it daily is not a good idea! I’ve been in relationships with people I very much wanted in my life, but knew they were not healthy for me to be around.

As the girl said — everything I want and nothing I need.

I’m working on maintaining my focus on the needs, and can honestly tell you, I am feeling more balanced, healthier, more settled. Happy in my own skin, as the saying goes, and it’s a glorious thing.

What are the things you want, but know you don’t need?

What are the things in your life that are preventing you from becoming the very best version of you possible?

Is it time to give some serious consideration to this equation in your life, and maybe make some changes?

Let me know how I can help.

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Is it worth it?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , , on December 21, 2012| 3 Comments »

Is. It. Worth. It.

Four (well, ok, three with one repeat) small words that are so, so powerful. This short question applies to nearly any decision, transition, or turning point you will encounter in your life. And depending on the decision you make, you have the power to change not only your life but the lives of others around you — for better or worse.

A number of years ago, a friend shared with me a weight loss hypnosis program. The foundation is to be aware of what you are doing each time you take a bite or drink of something, and to make a conscious decision rather than mindlessly eating and drinking whatever is put in front of you.

I ask myself this question when I am tempted to indulge in dessert. For me, if I am going to consume something, it needs to taste as delicious as I expect it to, so that I can deem it worth the calories I am consuming. If not, the answer is clearly no, it’s not worth it; at least not for me.

Last week, I finished reading What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, by Marshall Goldsmith, a very successful executive coach. There’s a section in the book in which he discusses encouraging his coaching clients to consider whether what they are about to say is worth it. It’s not only executives who could benefit from asking this simple question. The idea is to be aware of the potential impact and consequences of what you are about to say, including the way you would say it, on whomever you are speaking to.

I can think of a number of situations in which this question could prevent a lot of pain. Like when you’ve allowed someone to push your buttons and you are about to respond with a mean, hurtful remark. Like when you are in pain and want someone else to feel it, too. Like when you are already aware of what someone has decided to share with you, and you are tempted to say so — potentially giving the impression of superiority, or diminishing the value of the messenger and what they have to offer. Like when you are upset about something entirely disconnected to the person you’re with and are tempted to take it out on them.

Consider the value of this question when posed with a situation — perhaps an opportunity — that may be questionable. Meaning, it might seem like a good idea unless whatever it is were to become known publicly. In this case, it speaks to integrity (see earlier blog on “who are you when no one is looking”!). Are the risks and consequences worth whatever it is you think you will gain from doing whatever it is you are about to do?

What about when you are offered an opportunity that isn’t exactly on the path you’ve set for yourself? If the “detour” is a brief one, but offers the chance to learn a new skill, gain some new experience, or otherwise provide you with some benefit, and you can smoothly resume your journey, the answer may be yes; it may be worth it. If the “detour” will pull you in a very different direction than the path you’ve set for yourself, and you risk waking up one day in the future wondering “how in the world did I end up here? This isn’t what I wanted…” Well, in this case, it may not be worth it.

It applies when making financial decisions, as well. Do you purchase something simply because it carries a specific logo? Is your purchase decision based on quality? Is it based on the value you perceive the item to have, or based on the value others will perceive it to have?

I won’t pretend to imagine I know every single situation you may encounter when asking yourself this simple, yet oh-so-powerful question might save you — and those around you — some unnecessary pain, anxiety, discomfort, set-back on the way to your goals, but I do know there are numerous possibilities…daily.

The key is to be aware, to consider the potential risks, benefits, and consequences, and make a conscious decision about what to say or do next.

How could you benefit by taking the time to ask and answer this simple question:

Is it worth it?

I’ll leave the consideration to you. In the meantime, I encourage you to have an intentional day!

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Gratitude

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , on November 22, 2012| 1 Comment »

It’s only fitting, on Thanksgiving Day, to write about gratitude.

Thankfulness

On this day, I want to share with you the things I am thankful for:

Having found my passion. The opportunity to live out my passion. The opportunity to do good work and add value to others.

The many gifts and talents bestowed upon me. The “divine appointments” with people who come into my life…it’s always for a reason!

Health. Books. Education. Learning. Growth.

Nice place to live. Reliable car.

People who love me, support me, nurture me, believe in me — both family and friends.

The people who have asked me to accompany them on their journeys (coaching clients).

The people who have invited me to share some of the lessons I’ve learned on communication, leadership, teamwork, influence, relationships, and growth (speaking engagements and workshop clients).

The people who have allowed me to facilitate learning opportunities through Mastermind Groups.

The people who have shared their stories and lessons learned with me, giving me the opportunity to learn from their experiences.

The opportunity to spend this holiday at an indoor water park with my husband and son (who will turn 6 next week) and watching the joy on my son’s face as he played on the slides, in the pools, under the various showers, and float along the “lazy river” in a double tube (he ought to sleep good tonight!). The opportunity to glide through the various enclosed tubes and slides, fast and free, totally exhilarated!

A delicious breakfast this morning — served by people working what would normally be their day-off. A yummy turkey dinner this afternoon.

As I was thinking about what I would write, I Googled “gratitude.” In addition to the usual links (dictionaries, Wikipedia, etc…), I came upon the Go Gratitude Project. I am fascinated by the premise; it makes me think of an earlier awakening I had when I invited all of you to start a movement with me — by asking people what they would want if they could ask for a small miracle — then, of course, doing whatever you could to create the miracle for them.

I have signed up for the Go Gratitude Project’s 42 days of gratitude messages (am assuming the first one will appear in my inbox tomorrow…we’ll see!). There is a link for something called the Master Key Movie which I intend to watch very soon (Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving Special is on, so I admit to being a little distracted!).

In the meantime, I offer this abridged list of the things I am thankful for on this glorious day.

What are you thankful for? Have you shared your gratitude with those who count?

It’s a powerful act — expressing gratitude.

Finally, I am thankful for you … the people who read what I write, share your thoughts and comments, and pass along my thoughts to others. I may not know you, but I am truly thankful for you.

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Recognizing the need to “show up”

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , , , on November 12, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I’ve recently finished reading two memoirs, one by Rob Lowe (Stories I Only Tell My Friends) and one by Andrew McCarthy (The Longest Way Home: One Man’s Quest for the Courage to Settle Down), and actually enjoyed them both very much.

Both shared stories of their personal journeys, and while they phrase it differently, both were (are) striving to become a better version of themselves so they are able to “show up” and really be present for the people they love. As McCarthy put it, it wasn’t just about being able to be physically present with his family – that would be easy enough – but more importantly to be emotionally present, available, vulnerable, and truly connect with his loved ones.

As they both “grew up” in the insanity of Hollywood, it may be easy for us to think we know them as we’ve heard stories about them for years in the media – but I caution you from making that mistake; all is not necessarily what it appears to be on the surface. Yes, they made mistakes. Yes, they drank too much, partied too hard. And yes, thankfully, they recognized there was more to life than that and that their previous behaviors were not going to get them to the places and people they longed for.

Through it all, they proved that everyone has issues, challenges, fears, hopes, dreams, and makes mistakes; the hard stuff in life is not withheld from the wealthy, popular, and privileged. Life is life. People are people. Regardless of our circumstances, we all struggle with something.

…dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.

As Lowe said at one point, I tried to “outrun loneliness, outrun feeling ‘different,’ and outrun the shock that dreams coming true don’t change your feelings.” It reminded me of the saying: “Wherever you go, there YOU are.” Meaning, the grass may seem greener on the other side, but when you go there, you still have all your personal baggage…issues, fears, insecurities…it all goes with you. So the key is to change yourself, and maybe your environment, as well. But changing just your environment won’t bring you to the place you long to be.

Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.

At another point, Lowe says, “So, I came to the realization: Nothing in life is unfair. It’s just life. To the extent that I had any inner turmoil, I had only myself to blame.” I like this because it reminds me to take personal responsibility for my circumstances. Stuff happens in life; sometimes good, sometimes bad, and sometimes neutral. What matters is how I choose to approach it and what decisions I make about how I move forward. 

Near the end, Lowe says, “I also thought of my two boys and what kind of example I hoped to be. I would always want them to take charge of their own futures and not be paralyzed by the comfort and certainty of the status quo or be cowed by the judgment of those on the outside looking in.” High hopes for this father of two; but isn’t this what we would all want for our children, our loved ones, ourselves?

I applaud McCarthy and Lowe not only for taking the journey and being open to its lessons, but also for having the courage to bare at least a sliver of their souls to us in telling the stories; through their growth, we can be inspired and perhaps approach our own journeys with some assurance that we are not alone.

As the saying goes, I am striving to never settle for the path of least resistance, as I know that is the road to complacency. Complacency means no growth, and that doesn’t work for me. It’s also about continuing to reach for those things I know in my heart to be true and right for me, which doesn’t always match up with what others think I should be doing. 

What do you need to do to be able to truly “show up” for your life?

What journey are you – or should you be – on?

How will you chronicle your adventures and lessons learned?

Will you share it with others, so they can learn from your experiences?

*Please don’t get the impression I didn’t enjoy McCarthy’s story as much as Lowe’s; I just didn’t take notes as I went through it – I will when I re-read it.

 

 

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