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Posts Tagged ‘Doing the Right Thing’

Small miracles, revisited

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , on October 10, 2012| Leave a Comment »

It’s been a week since I said I wanted to start a movement and challenged you to ask the simple question, “If you could have a small miracle today, what would it be?”

I wonder, have you done it?

I have asked a number of people and have received some interesting responses. Most notably, several people repeated the question, seemingly rolling it around in their mouths to really get the feel for it before responding…and when they did, they typically said they had pretty much what they needed, and didn’t feel the need to ask for anything more. 

I got the sense they really appreciated the simple gesture of my asking the question and then truly listening to their response.

I did, however, have the opportunity to act in a few cases. I did a little research on invitations for a co-worker who is planning a birthday party for her twin boys, with a “spy” theme. I provided more than a few people with Hershey’s dark chocolate kisses. One person wanted to send “peace” to someone she was once close to, whom she knows is struggling with some serious issues. Of course, I’m not powerful enough to actually put this person at peace, but I can send focused, positive thoughts in the right direction.

So, the week may be over but the opportunity is ever present. I will continue to ask the question and do my best to respond to the needs of the people around me.

What about you? What response did you get when you asked the question, and how did you respond? How did you feel? 

Please, don’t be shy…we’re all waiting to hear your stories…just click into the “comments” box below!

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Intent does NOT equal impact!

Posted in Communication, tagged , , , , , on October 8, 2012| 1 Comment »

I’ve been teaching communication skills for ten years and this simple fact is one of the key lessons. My hope is for people to become more self-aware, to really think about what they want to accomplish and how they approach what they’re doing, so the impact (the outcome) of their actions is in fact what they hope to have happen.

Let’s consider a couple of examples:

It’s late evening and you are driving through the dark. There’s not a lot of traffic on the road, and to see better you have turned on your “brights.” As you travel along the road, somewhat lost in thought, your focus is pulled back in full to the road ahead, as there is a driver coming toward you in the opposite lane, flashing his brights at you, trying to capture your attention, so you will flip your lights back to normal.

If you are the oncoming driver, what’s the first thing you think?

“Jerk! What are you trying to do? Don’t you realize you are blinding me?”

If you are the “offending” driver, what’s the first thing you think?

“Oh!” you think, quickly flipping your lights back to normal. “I didn’t mean to do that. Sorry!” Wishing you could telepathically send this message to the oncoming driver, so they understand it was not your intent to temporarily blind them!

Here’s another, heart-wrenchingly harder example to consider, from an actual incident in the local news.

On September 1, a four-year old girl died in a car outside a day care center. As the story goes, the day care was owned by a husband and wife. On occasion, the husband would provide transportation for one of their clients, picking up a mother and child, dropping the mother off at a local university, and taking the child to the day care for the day.

On this particular day, for what is an incomprehensible reason (there has been no explanation given that I’m aware of), the man dropped the mom off, drove to the day care, and left the child in the car…for about seven hours, on a sunny, 89-degree day. The child was found dead in the car around 5 p.m.

Clearly, there is no way for us to know what he might have been thinking – or not thinking – as he arrived at the day care, went inside, and went about the business of his day. We have no way of knowing why no one in the day care asked about the child when he arrived without her. Having not been to the location, we have no way of knowing if there might have been someone outside who might have seen the girl in the car earlier in the day.

Of course, we are outraged that such a thing could have happened, and as we are not personally involved, will likely never know all of the things that happened that day, what the people may have thought or said or did. And yet, this story isn’t unique. We hear this kind of story more frequently than we’d like, with both children and animals paying the ultimate price.

We could easily jump into blame, anger, accusations, cries for justice, etc…Let’s stay focused now, though. We’re talking about intent. In both the situations described above, I think it’s safe to argue that neither of these people intended harm to another. The outcome – or the impact – of their actions, however, did in fact result in some negative impact to the others involved — to a very minor degree in the first case, and to a life-altering and inexplicably tragic degree in the second case.

Fortunately, most of our experiences will tend toward the less extreme end of the spectrum of potential outcomes. The key here is to understand the lesson — intent does not equal impact – and to be thoughtful about our words and actions. The goal is to be self-aware enough of how others may perceive and experience us, so that when we interact with others, we have a better chance of having what we intend to happen actually be what does happen.

What are you intending to do today? How might you approach it to ensure the outcome is positive?

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I want to start a movement. Will you join me?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , on October 1, 2012| 1 Comment »

At my last corporate job, I taped Christmas cards to my office door during the holiday season. When I received a small gift in the office, I taped the gold bow that was on it to my door also. After the holidays, as I was taking down the cards, I decided to leave the bow, as a reminder of my purpose: To be a gift to the people whose lives I touch each day.

I know, it may sound corny, but it’s true. And, each morning, while I prepare for my day I talk to God and I ask him for the tools I’ll need to do his work, my job, and fulfill my purpose.

Several months after the holiday season, the bow was still on the door when a colleague stopped by to discuss something. As he was leaving, he asked about the significance of the bow, so I explained it to him. He laughed a little as he left, and looked back at my office once while he walked away. He appeared to be a bit uncomfortable with what I’d said to him. Perhaps it was unusual, certainly unexpected, not your average office conversation. I hope it made him think.

You’re probably familiar with the movie Pay it Forward, in which a young boy starts a movement of Random Acts of Kindness in response to a school assignment. Last year, through my Leadership West Virginia class, I was introduced to Anonymous Acts of Kindness (check out Secret Agent L, also).  I have taken on these Acts by paying for cars behind me when I go through toll booths; I also sometimes pay for the orders of people behind me at drive-thru windows. It feels good to do something unexpected for someone, and hopefully brighten their day.

A couple of days ago, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an article on this topic, with a little different slant. The author (her name escapes me) wrote about the many struggles — large and small — we all go through on any given day. She suggested, when one encounters someone in need, asking this simple–yet profound, perhaps even life-changing–question: If you could have a small miracle today, what would it be?

If you could have a small miracle today, what would it be?

Then, do something about it. You may not be able to fulfill the whole miracle, but you may be able to do something that makes an enormous difference. And the simple act of asking the question and actually listening to the answer is a gift in itself.

So, let’s start the movement. If (conservatively) 25 of us committed to asking the question just once this week, and following through, we could positively change the lives of at least 25 people.

Let’s carry it a step further. Each of us has the opportunity to influence at least four other people each day. If we shared our quest with each of them, and encouraged them to join us, potentially 100 other lives would be positively changed. If each of the four people we influenced, influenced at least four people in their lives, and so on and so on…you can see, the movement could grow exponentially.

Simple. Profound. Life-changing (for both giver and receiver). An amazing way to recognize the many blessings we already have in our lives. An opportunity to truly understand the difference between need and want.

Are you with me? Will you join this movement?

Let’s all meet back here in a week, and share our stories (use the comments section!). I can’t wait to hear of the amazing works we’ve done.

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Who are you when no one is looking?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , on September 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I’ve been thinking a lot about integrity and character lately.

I’ve heard it said that the true test of a person’s character is what he or she does when they believe no one is watching.

Here are a couple of examples that have stuck with me:

I used to live in Central Washington State, in a city comparable in population to Parkersburg. The couple who lived next door moved there from Alaska so the husband could go through a 3-4 year school program, which would allow him to change careers. When he was finished with his program, they intended to sell their home in WA and move back to Alaska. Yes, that’s right — they bought a home in Washington. However, they continued to license their cars in Alaska.

It’s logical to think there might be a financial advantage to continuing to license a car in one state when one has established a residence in another. While I have never lived in Alaska and don’t know what it costs to license a car there, I do know it costs only about $42 per year to license a car in Washington state — not a big financial hit. Perhaps there is another reason for this behavior, but it’s the law that you will register and license your vehicles in the state in which you reside. This leaves a lot of room for speculation about the person’s motives for not abiding by the law, especially when you are abiding by it.

On the other side of this coin, in the same Central Washington city, one of my colleagues told a story about running some errands with his pre-teen son one weekend. They went to one of the major electronics stores and purchased a few things, stopped at a couple of other shops, and then stopped for lunch. While they were eating, his son was looking at the receipts and said, “Hey Dad, they didn’t charge us for one of the things we got at…(the electronics store).” My colleague replied, “Well, right after we finish eating, we will stop back by there and pay for it before we go home.”

I don’t remember what the item was, but its price was about $150. In the course of a day’s sales at this particular store, likely just a drop in the bucket. But, those kinds of drops add up and there are consequences — to both the associates in the store and the store itself.

As he told this story, my colleague was mindful that he was setting an example for his son and wanted to do the right thing. He explained to his son that while it seemed like they got lucky by not having to pay for the item, there would be consequences for both the sales associate and the business if they didn’t go back and correct the situation. So they did.

These are not unique situations; they are examples of the kinds of things that happen daily — in whatever city you are in. In fact, there are people I know today who have licensed their vehicles in a state different from the one in which they live. Again, I can only speculate on their motives for doing so, but the behavior feels wrong to me.

It’s important to be aware that regardless of how “invisible” you might think you are, someone is always watching. They are drawing conclusions and making up stories that fit with their beliefs, values, and experiences, which may be nowhere near the truth of what’s really going on. And when you hear someone say “perception = reality,” it’s true; people believe what makes sense to them and people do what people see.

So, as a leader, you are always on stage. Someone is always watching. They are interpreting your actions based on partial pictures of what’s really going on. And they are sharing stories with others.

You have the opportunity to be aware of this. You have the opportunity to shape the stories they believe and tell others. You have the opportunity to do the right thing, or do something else because you think no one will know.

It’s your character. It’s your integrity. When you go to sleep at night, it’s all you really have control over.

Please do not misinterpret this as me implying that I do everything right every day, and that I have for all my life. Quite the contrary; I have made my share of mistakes, publicly and privately. As I said at the beginning, I think about this topic a lot. I make the effort to be intentional, daily, about what I do and say and the impact my words and actions will have on others, as well as on my future. I strive to be able to lay down to sleep at night knowing I did my best, set a good example, and can rest easily, knowing I did the good and right things that day.

The key, I believe, is to be mindful, intentional, and to reflect often on what we have done and experienced so we may take those lessons forward and do better the next time. It’s a daily process.

So, who are you when you think no one is watching?

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