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Posts Tagged ‘Goals’

Breakthrough thinking

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , on November 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

When I was little, my mom used to bake me a chocolate-chocolate chip cake every year for my birthday. Oh, it was rich, moist, and yummy. I so looked forward to my birthday every year so I could have some (and yes, I confess to eating most of the cake myself, it was that good!). When I was in my teens, I asked her for the recipe, so I could bake the cake myself.

I was in my middle twenties, having a conversation with a friend about favorite desserts and sharing how rich and delicious this cake was, and how I couldn’t wait for it to be my birthday, so I could have some.

My friend asked, do you have the recipe? Yes.

Well, can you get what you need to make it at a grocery store? Yes.

Is there something about this recipe I don’t understand that would make it possible for you to bake this cake only at your birthday? No, it’s just…and I rattled off the ingredients.

Then she asked the key question: I guess I don’t understand, she said. Why couldn’t you just go to the store and buy the ingredients and bake the cake anytime?

This was twenty years ago, and I remember it so clearly. The proverbial light bulb went off above my head as I realized there was no reason why I couldn’t bake the cake any day of the year. I had constructed rules that said I could have that particular cake only on my birthday. The constraints were all created and enforced by me. And when asked the right question, I realized how ridiculous it was, and that I could change my beliefs and behavior about the cake at any time.

Now, this is truly a trivial and insignificant issue in the scheme of life, but it’s an excellent example of the power of the coaching process.

As a coach, my job is to ask my participants questions that will stimulate their thinking, allowing them to examine the rules, constraints, beliefs, and self-created barriers that are keeping them from achieving their goals and reaching their potential. These “aha!” moments don’t happen in every session, but they happen, and once they do, it’s amazing to watch people realize that the only thing holding them back is themselves.

That’s the moment when true, significant growth and change takes place.

Looking forward to experiencing more of these moments in upcoming coaching sessions with the amazing people I am blessed to coach.

What’s holding you back?

What’s your equivalent to my chocolate cake?

When you’re ready to experience the power of this process, call me. I’ll be waiting…

And yes, if you want the recipe, I’m happy to share. Over the past 20 years, I’ve enjoyed that cake on numerous occasions throughout the year — and on my birthday!

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Are you living on “Someday Isle”?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , on October 20, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Picture it…beautiful, sunny, tropical island. You’ve seen it in travel brochures, Corona commercials, and countless web links. Amazingly clean white sandy beaches, palm trees, a hammock or oh-so-comfy lounge chair overlooking ocean that is an impossibly blue-green color. Sounds delightful? Unfortunately, it’s the wrong place!

Several weeks ago, I was on a coaching call with a client and he shared this quote with me: “On the road to success, we often find ourselves living on Someday Isle,” attributed to Brian Tracy. (My sincere apologies, Brian, if I didn’t get it exactly right.) This thought has reverberated through my brain ever since.

On the road to success, we often find ourselves living on Someday Isle.

Clearly, the Isle is not some tropical island in the South Pacific; what he’s really referring to is “someday I’ll,” as in “someday, I will…” presumably do something, that one seems to never really get around to.

Sad to say, I am intimately familiar with this Isle; it is the place a dear woman once in my life repeatedly told me she was going to get to “one of these first days.” I resisted the urge to ask her exactly which days on the calendar “these first days” were, because in my heart I knew they would never appear on any calendar and she would never do any of those things she spoke of.  Perhaps she, too, recognized she would never do those things either, and maybe it felt better to her to say it that way than to admit she had no intention of following through. Maybe she thought it would feel better to those people who would someday be on the receiving end of all those delightful things she said she would do “one of these first days.” I don’t know about the rest of them, but it left me feeling disappointed and sad.

I have to admit, I struggle with procrastination, as well. Not on the very important things, most of the time. But I sometimes find myself wanting to do the easier things, the more rewarding things before tackling the things that will be less immediately rewarding but are important nonetheless. As I’m becoming more self-aware, I am quicker about recognizing my lapses in focus and can get back on track faster than I did earlier in my life.

With increased self-awareness, I strive to be more intentional in my thoughts and actions, with a keener awareness of the consequences of my actions and inactions. And I recognize that when I procrastinate, I am the one who really loses. And I am acutely aware that this is “not a dress rehearsal.” It’s important to me that I not reach a point in my life when I look back and say things like: I’m so sad I never….I wish I would have gotten around to doing…I wonder how my life would have been different if only I had…

I’m currently reading The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, by John Maxwell; I’m currently facilitating a Mastermind Group studying this book.  In one of the early chapters, John recounts a lesson he learned about procrastination and his focus on “do it now.” It’s a mantra he repeats each day before rising and each night before drifting off to sleep. I think it’s invaluable advice; a practice I am working on myself.

This is truly a hard habit to break. So allow yourself time to develop and internalize new habits, ones that better serve you and what you are striving to achieve. The key is getting started. And there’s no time like today, right now, this minute!

What are you procrastinating about getting done?

What are you missing out on by continuing to put things off?

Just how much time are you willing to spend on Someday Isle?

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The architect of your success

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , , on October 10, 2012| 1 Comment »

A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to Christian Simpson, the Coaching Mentor for the John Maxwell Team, and he said something so profound I wrote it down. 

He said: The architect of your success is not your intellect; it is, in fact, your belief system.

The architect of your success is not your intellect; it is, in fact, your belief system.

In essence, he is saying it doesn’t matter how smart you are; being smart will not guarantee your success. The key is what you believe about yourself and your abilities. 

I grew up in what I believe is actually a pretty normal family (defining “normal” as some level of obvious dysfunction, which I think most of us have; as I don’t believe the “Leave it to Beaver” or “Ozzie and Harriet” families were real…). Because of my circumstances, I learned, very early, to be independent and self-sufficient. This has served me well in many situations, and has been detrimental in others. However, because of – or in spite of – those circumstances, I also grew up with what turns out to be a pretty strong belief in my ability to succeed at whatever I set my mind to.

I can remember the first time I verbalized this to someone, during a job interview more than 20 years ago. I said, “Unless you ask me to do brain surgery or something akin to nuclear physics, it doesn’t occur to me that I might not be successful. I am self-aware enough to recognize what I don’t know, which means when faced with a challenge I realize I will likely need to learn some new things along the way, pick up some new skills, find some new resources, perhaps meet some new people…but I’m confident I can succeed.”

And when given the opportunity and the challenge, I have set forth to do just that, acquiring the knowledge and resources I’ve needed along the way. And when I’ve made certain decisions in my life, I didn’t have a Plan B to fall back on, just in case. Perhaps it was fool-hardy, but I was determined to reach my goal.

This is not to say I haven’t failed, for surely I have, and plenty of times…in minor ways and in major, life-changing ways. On those occasions, I have taken the time to reflect on my actions and experiences, so that I may carry the lessons forward, and hopefully not make the same mistakes twice.

I’ve just started facilitating a Mastermind Group using John Maxwell’s newest book, The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth. The group was blessed, on October 2, with John himself teaching the first two chapters. Last night, I facilitated the Chapter 3 lesson: The Law of the Mirror.

Simply put, the law says, “You must see value in yourself to add value to yourself.” John goes on to explain that the value we place on ourselves is usually the value others will place on us; the world isn’t likely to up your price tag.

The lesson: What you believe about yourself will determine your future success. How you talk to yourself makes an enormous difference. So nurture the voice in your head that is supportive, encouraging, and confident in you. Let the other voice know you really don’t have time for it these days; it will eventually get the message and quiet down.

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right

When Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right,” he hit the nail on the head.   

What do you believe about yourself? And how is that belief propelling you forward or holding you back?

 

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Why bother trying – it’s impossible. Right?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , on September 27, 2012| 1 Comment »

I want you to come on an adventure with me (an “expotition” as Pooh would call it). Imagine you are standing near the edge of a cliff. Mere inches from the tips of your toes, the cliff wall drops down hundreds of feet to a canyon. Across the way, some distance from you, you see the other side…and perched there is your goal, your dream (you fill in the name of whatever it is you desire to achieve), just waiting for you to cross over and claim it.

As you stand there, first looking with great longing at your goal on the other side, then down into the canyon just in front of you, and consider the chasm that keeps you from just reaching out and grabbing it, you think…what?

If you are like many others, you might be thinking:

  • It’s too far.
  • I can’t reach it.
  • There’s no way to get to the other side.
  • The canyon is too deep.
  • I don’t know how to get there.
  • I’m afraid to try.
  • I’m afraid to do it alone.
  • I’m not supposed to have it.
  • No one prepared me for this.
  • Why bothering trying?
  • It’s impossible.
  • Right?

Well, is it? I must confess I don’t have the answer. As a coach, my value is in not having any of the answers. My value is in having all the questions; the kinds of questions that will help you find the answer — your answer.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and here’s what I’ve come up with:

It’s not impossible. In fact, I really think there probably isn’t anything that is truly impossible.

Let me share with you some of the things that have led me to that conclusion.

  • We put a man on the Moon.
  • We have a rover on Mars, right now — today!
  • We have people living in an International Space Station.
  • We have immunizations and treatments for illnesses that used to wipe out entire populations.
  • We have mapped the human genome; and in fact, can now map an individual’s within weeks, rather than months, and for thousands of dollars as opposed to the billions it used to cost.
  • Doctors have created what they refer to as tissue scaffold to regrow muscle lost to disease or damage, for which traditional methods of treatment have failed.
  • And, if that’s not enough, medical researchers are printing new organs using cells instead of ink. Yes, I said printing, like on an inkjet printer.

Now, I’m certain there are thousands more examples of how we have proven over time that so many things once thought impossible, were, in fact, quite possible.

So, what is your goal / dream? What is it that your heart calls you to do? What do you long for?

Going back to school? Earning another degree? Changing careers? Meeting someone special? Taking a trip to an exotic location? Developing a new talent? Really, the possibilities are endless.

I’ll admit, it can be scary stepping out of your comfort zone to try something new. You may need to learn something. You may not have all the resources you need when you begin. You may need help along the way. But if you never start, how will you know?

Just get started. If you can see the first step or two clearly, you are more than ready to move forward. Do it afraid. You’ll get what you need along the way.

 

One last question: What’s holding you back?

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Would you like to press the “undo” button on your life?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , , on September 24, 2012| Leave a Comment »

In 2011, I participated in the Leadership West Virginia program. It was a tremendously valuable experience for me in more ways than I could recount quickly. One of the more memorable experiences was part of a service project my class decided to take on. We connected with the West Virginia College Summit program to act as mentors to high school students preparing for college; many times as the first person in their family to attend college.

Essentially, during one of our monthly LWV sessions, we were paired up with a College Summit student to act as a mentor, offering guidance on completing applications, writing essays, evaluating classes and areas of study. I remember so distinctly the young with whom I was paired. When asked what she planned to study, she talked of wanting to be a teacher. Her face lit up; her eyes were alive and full of energy; her voice was full of eagerness, and the desire to make a difference in the lives of children.

Then, she went on to explain that she would likely look into nursing or some other type of medical technologist position. As she made this change in fields of study, her whole demeanor changed. The light was gone from her eyes; her face no longer animated; her voice filled more with resignation than anything that could be interpreted as interest or excitement. Curious about such a drastic change, I asked her if she was aware of it…and why she would consider such a different career, and one that seemed to hold very little interest for her. Her response: Money.

We talked about this for some time. I acknowledged that, yes, making a decent living is certainly an important consideration, but suggested she might consider that she would be exchanging her precious life energy for that money, and it might serve her well to really think about what was more important — making more money at an unfulfilling job or making less money in a role where she truly made a difference in the lives of children, and by extension, her community and the world.

I have no idea what she decided; unfortunately, I’ve not heard from her since. I hope she makes the decision that fills her heart with joy, for it would be in that capacity that she would truly make an invaluable difference in the lives of many.

Her situation is not uncommon. In fact, according to a survey published in a recent Parade Magazine article, of the more than 26,000 people surveyed, about 60% said they would switch paths if they had the opportunity to do it over again.

In some ways, it’s an amazing result, and in others, not at all surprising. Nearly daily, I talk with people who are doing what it takes to get by, to make a living, working at a job, not in an area of passion. The survey shows that 34% describe their mood on Sunday night as “minor dread,” with another 9% in “despair” over the need to return to work on Monday.

It’s a sad commentary on our society, I think. So much wasted talent, energy, and passion! What’s worse, though, is discovering so many believe they are “doomed” to continue down this path — with no potential for change, even though it’s not what they wanted.

I wonder how so many people seem to have lost sight of the fact that the power is within them to make the changes. A new acquaintance so eloquently stated: This is NOT a dress rehearsal! We get one life to live. I hope you are making it meaningful.

If not, what will it take to shift you from your current paradigm about what is possible to the one that will allow you to realize your dreams and your potential?

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Defining success…and what it’s worth

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , , on September 18, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I have a lot of conversations with friends, clients, colleagues, and sometimes even strangers, about what success means to them. These are educated, motivated, hard-working, individuals who would appear — from the outside and based on what society seems to define as success — to be successful. They hold good jobs in interesting fields, earn good salaries, live in nice places, are able to vacation, wear nice clothes, etc…

Frequently, however, I find that when I ask them what success means to them, they don’t have an answer. For some, it is money, nice house, nice car, latest fashion, ability to mingle with all the “right” people, attend the “right” events…for others, it’s just the opposite. They want to be successful, but struggle with the idea that it means all of the material things, with which they are uncomfortable.

This topic got me thinking about a wedding I was in nearly 20 years ago. I lived nearly 1200 miles from the bride (a dear friend from 4th grade!) and groom, so I knew only one other person in the bridal party (also a friend since 4th grade). Not too long after the wedding, my friend shared a story about one of the groomsmen and his wife. He worked in sales and I believe she was a homemaker. They had a couple of kids, big, nice house (no small feat in Southern California, even 20 years ago), new cars…all the great things money could buy, right? They were getting divorced. The wife was complaining that the husband was never home, didn’t help with the kids, didn’t pay enough attention to her, didn’t do things around the house, etc. You’ve heard this story, right? Turns out, it was true…but why? Well, his response was, “I have to work these kinds of hours to earn the money to pay for all this stuff!” So, while he earned a nice living and could afford to keep them in style, he couldn’t be home to share and enjoy any of it. In the end, it cost his marriage and his family. Was it worth it? Only they can answer that question, but from my perspective, probably not!

Further along this train of thought, I think about how there are so many in our society caught up in this kind of a mess…working hard to earn money for nice houses, cars, things, and when we earn more money, we aren’t satisfied with what we already have, so we upgrade…and then we have to keep working harder and longer hours to make more money to support all the stuff that we no longer have the time or energy to enjoy!

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be on that train! I’m rethinking and redefining what success means to me. Success is a relative thing, though. What works for one person or family may not work for the next person.

Now, I’m not saying making a good living is a bad thing. I want to earn a decent living, to provide for my family, live comfortably, know that I can cover a major car repair or other unexpected event, take a vacation once in a while, and also splurge on frivolous things once in a while. I also want enough money to be able to give it away to people and causes that touch my heart and make me want to be a better person. I want time to be creative outside of work, to spend with my family, to read good books, take long walks, have deep conversations with friends old and new. Yes, I want things money can buy, and so much more that money has no bearing on.

The good news is: You get to decide. You get to define what success means to you and what you’re willing to pay for it. You are the person who needs to be comfortable and satisfied with the decisions you make and the actions you take each day.

In the book The Rhythm of Life, author Matthew Kelly encourages the reader to define what he or she wants from life. In fact, he says being able to answer that question is far more important than anything else he will write in the rest of the book, so put the book down and come back to it after you’ve figured it out…This is on page 12 of the book! I’ve shared this with quite a few people since I read it a few months ago, and I still don’t know if any of them have made it past page 12.

What does success mean to you?

What is it worth to you? What are you willing to give in exchange?

I encourage you to take the time to really think this through. Allow yourself the freedom to define it on your own terms; liberate yourself from the expectations and pressure of the outside world. Be true to yourself and those you love.

As many of us have probably experienced, if we don’t define it, someone will do it for us…and we will wake up one day, look around, and think: “How on earth did I get here? What is all this stuff? I didn’t want this…”

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Hope is not a strategy…make a plan (Part 2)

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , on August 23, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Earlier this week, I shared a post about making an intentional plan to make your dreams a reality. As this is not a shallow subject, I wanted to revisit it.

Another of my mentors, Scott M. Fay (also faculty on the John Maxwell Team), owns a landscaping business. He says that people often ask, ‘when is the best time to plant a shade tree?’ His answer: 50 years ago! The second best time to plant a shade tree is today!

So, when is the best time to develop a personal growth plan — one that will allow you to achieve your dreams, and maximize your potential — well, probably a number of years ago, like in Junior High or High School, perhaps. Unless you are like Alex P. Keaton from Family Ties, most people aren’t that focused that early. So, the good news is, it’s not too late to map your plan now. In fact, if you don’t already have one, today is the best day to get started.

Getting Started
Again, this is a significant undertaking, and it’s very important; after all, it’s only your LIFE we are talking about! Take the time to think about what you really want from life; think in terms of family, health, fun, education, finance, travel, career…and define what success looks like for you. Then you can begin to map the steps you need to take along the way to reach your goal. Break it down in chunks; make the steps achievable within a reasonable amount of time.

Another critical step is really knowing yourself. Be honest about your strengths and shortcomings. You don’t have to share any of your insights, if you choose not to, but you need to be aware that the people closest to you are probably already very in-tune with them. The key is your own self-awareness. This allows you to know what you will be able to do on your own and what you will need to get support for. Remember, the people in your life — both current and some you haven’t yet met — are part of the resources you may need along your journey.

Be brave! Share your vision and your plans and ask for help. As I said, you’ll be amazed at how doors open for you. I speak from experience here. Several months ago, I wanted to start a Mastermind Group to study John Maxwell’s 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. I knew a few people who might be interested but not enough to fill a class, and I had no space in which to hold a weekly, 10-week session. I shared my vision with a couple of people. They were interested in participating, and recommended contacting another acquaintance who might have the meeting space. The third person not only offered the meeting space (“I’ll give you a key to the building; use the conference room any time you like…”), but he also filled the rest of the class! And it was a great experience for everyone involved. What an unexpected blessing!

Be open. Be open to new experiences, new lessons, new people.

Be grateful. Be grateful for what you already have, for the people already in your life, and the skills and talents you already possess. Be grateful for the opportunities that will surface, allowing you to learn and grow and experience new things.

Be intentional. Again, if you don’t map your plan, you will go along with the current and will someday find yourself a long way from where you want to be. This is a journey, a process…it will happen daily, not in a day.

Hope is a good thing. But it isn’t a strategy. It won’t drive you to success. You must take action.

Get started. It’s that simple. If you can see the first step, take it. Subsequent steps will become obvious to you as you move along. Again, the resources will become available as you need them.

If you have to, do it afraid! You’ll be glad you did.

What steps are you taking today to map out your plan and begin your journey?

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Hope is not a strategy…make a plan!

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , , , , on August 19, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Last night I was doing a little shopping. As I was making one of my purchases, the sales person asked me where I was from. I responded that while I live in West Virginia now, I am from Washington State. Unexpectedly, his eyes lit up and he asked where I had lived, claiming his dream was to move to Seattle…someday.

Make a plan, I said. Hope is not a strategy. Make a plan.

Do you have a dream? Do you have a goal you want to achieve…someday? What are you doing to make it your reality?

Here’s the thing…if you don’t make a plan, your plan, life has a way of making one for you. Or rather, life happens and it doesn’t always lead you where you want to go. People in your life will guide you in the directions they want you to go, which may be fun, interesting, adventurous even, but maybe not where you want to go.

How do you take control? It’s simple, really, but maybe not easy!

Make taking time out for reflection a priority, every day. Take the time to think about what you want from life, then map out a plan to achieve it. Then, of course, you must take the steps required to actually put your plan into action and start moving toward your dream.

You don’t have to see your whole dream in every detail, but if you can see enough of it to see the first couple of steps with clarity, it’s time to get moving. Don’t worry that you can’t see every step or whether you have all the resources you think you need to get there…just get started.

Do it afraid!

It’s amazing what will happen once you start. If you are truly passionate about what you’re doing, committed to making it happen, and tell people about your journey, you will be amazed at the people who step up to support you. You will get what you need along the way — whether it’s people, knowledge, a new skill, or any number of other kinds of resources.

But if you do nothing but hope, you will wake up one morning some years down the road and ask yourself, “How did I get here?” noting that where you ended up is not where you wanted to be. (Yes, Kyle from the Mac Store, this is for you! I will be watching for my postcard from your new home in Seattle.)

As my mentor, Paul Martinelli, says, “Do the thing, and you will get the energy to do the thing.”

Hope is not a strategy. Make a plan. The best day to get started is today.

What is your dream? What are you doing to make it your reality?

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