Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Perception = Reality’

Gold or Platinum?

Posted in Communication, tagged , , , , on October 22, 2012| Leave a Comment »

To follow the Golden Rule or the Platinum Rule?                       

We’re all familiar with the Golden Rule, right? You know the one: “Do unto others as you would have done unto you.” 

Simply put: Treat others the way you want to be treated. 

Sounds good, doesn’t it? But how does it really work in practice? 

Let’s consider a couple I once knew, Matthew and Katie. Katie is a stay-at-home-mom, who happens to be an extrovert. Katie spends a lot of time with small children during the day, with little substantive interactions with adults – which is how she recharges her batteries. Matthew works outside the home and happens to be in introvert; he enjoys being with people throughout the day but it drains his battery, so he needs time alone to recharge. 

When they are apart – during the work day or on the rare occasion when one of them gets away for some “alone” time – they follow the Golden Rule; each treating the other the way they want to be treated. Katie, looking to charge her batteries, calls Matthew frequently, just to check in and chat. Matthew, on the other hand, is less likely to call Katie when she has some alone time as he knows how much he values it when he has alone time. Both end up frustrated because they are getting what the other wants/needs, but not what they desire for themselves. 

So, what would change if they followed the Platinum Rule? It says: “Do unto others as they would have done unto themselves.” 

Do unto others as they would have done unto themselves.

Simply put: Treat others the way they would prefer to be treated – not the way you want to be treated.

The wise soul who coined this phrase recognized that “one size does not fit all”!

If Matthew and Katie were to practice the Platinum Rule, then Matthew would make a point to call and check in with Katie more often, knowing she needs more contact and wants to talk about what’s going on throughout the day, or what she’s up to when she gets to go out without the kids. Katie would recognize that Matthew needs more quiet time to himself, and wouldn’t call to check in as often or interrupt his alone time just to see what he’s up to while they are apart.

This change in behavior would require some thoughtful attention, because it would require each of them to step out of their comfort zone and focus on the needs of the other first, rather than to assume what they want is what the other wants, as well.

Take it one step further and consider how it might work at work or in organizations you are involved in. Take recognition for example. Some people crave public recognition for their accomplishments, others cringe at the thought and would prefer to do anything but be recognized publicly. If you aren’t aware of these preferences, you could make a stellar mistake and damage key relationships by making the wrong move. 

How would this awareness and change in behavior change the organizational dynamics and morale of your teams and companies? What if we could step outside ourselves more often and focus on what others need? 

It’s true: If you help others get what they want, they will be more willing and interested in helping you get what you want. It’s a key foundation for effective leadership.

What could you learn by practicing the Platinum Rule?

What relational dynamics could you change?

How much more satisfying could your work and personal lives be, if you practiced the Platinum Rule? 

I wonder…would love to hear your thoughts.   

—
Laura L. Prisc, Founder

Leadership & Life Potential, LLC
Helping you grow into your leadership and life potential…
304.916.0348
 

Read Full Post »

Intent does NOT equal impact!

Posted in Communication, tagged , , , , , on October 8, 2012| 1 Comment »

I’ve been teaching communication skills for ten years and this simple fact is one of the key lessons. My hope is for people to become more self-aware, to really think about what they want to accomplish and how they approach what they’re doing, so the impact (the outcome) of their actions is in fact what they hope to have happen.

Let’s consider a couple of examples:

It’s late evening and you are driving through the dark. There’s not a lot of traffic on the road, and to see better you have turned on your “brights.” As you travel along the road, somewhat lost in thought, your focus is pulled back in full to the road ahead, as there is a driver coming toward you in the opposite lane, flashing his brights at you, trying to capture your attention, so you will flip your lights back to normal.

If you are the oncoming driver, what’s the first thing you think?

“Jerk! What are you trying to do? Don’t you realize you are blinding me?”

If you are the “offending” driver, what’s the first thing you think?

“Oh!” you think, quickly flipping your lights back to normal. “I didn’t mean to do that. Sorry!” Wishing you could telepathically send this message to the oncoming driver, so they understand it was not your intent to temporarily blind them!

Here’s another, heart-wrenchingly harder example to consider, from an actual incident in the local news.

On September 1, a four-year old girl died in a car outside a day care center. As the story goes, the day care was owned by a husband and wife. On occasion, the husband would provide transportation for one of their clients, picking up a mother and child, dropping the mother off at a local university, and taking the child to the day care for the day.

On this particular day, for what is an incomprehensible reason (there has been no explanation given that I’m aware of), the man dropped the mom off, drove to the day care, and left the child in the car…for about seven hours, on a sunny, 89-degree day. The child was found dead in the car around 5 p.m.

Clearly, there is no way for us to know what he might have been thinking – or not thinking – as he arrived at the day care, went inside, and went about the business of his day. We have no way of knowing why no one in the day care asked about the child when he arrived without her. Having not been to the location, we have no way of knowing if there might have been someone outside who might have seen the girl in the car earlier in the day.

Of course, we are outraged that such a thing could have happened, and as we are not personally involved, will likely never know all of the things that happened that day, what the people may have thought or said or did. And yet, this story isn’t unique. We hear this kind of story more frequently than we’d like, with both children and animals paying the ultimate price.

We could easily jump into blame, anger, accusations, cries for justice, etc…Let’s stay focused now, though. We’re talking about intent. In both the situations described above, I think it’s safe to argue that neither of these people intended harm to another. The outcome – or the impact – of their actions, however, did in fact result in some negative impact to the others involved — to a very minor degree in the first case, and to a life-altering and inexplicably tragic degree in the second case.

Fortunately, most of our experiences will tend toward the less extreme end of the spectrum of potential outcomes. The key here is to understand the lesson — intent does not equal impact – and to be thoughtful about our words and actions. The goal is to be self-aware enough of how others may perceive and experience us, so that when we interact with others, we have a better chance of having what we intend to happen actually be what does happen.

What are you intending to do today? How might you approach it to ensure the outcome is positive?

Read Full Post »

Who are you when no one is looking?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , on September 4, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I’ve been thinking a lot about integrity and character lately.

I’ve heard it said that the true test of a person’s character is what he or she does when they believe no one is watching.

Here are a couple of examples that have stuck with me:

I used to live in Central Washington State, in a city comparable in population to Parkersburg. The couple who lived next door moved there from Alaska so the husband could go through a 3-4 year school program, which would allow him to change careers. When he was finished with his program, they intended to sell their home in WA and move back to Alaska. Yes, that’s right — they bought a home in Washington. However, they continued to license their cars in Alaska.

It’s logical to think there might be a financial advantage to continuing to license a car in one state when one has established a residence in another. While I have never lived in Alaska and don’t know what it costs to license a car there, I do know it costs only about $42 per year to license a car in Washington state — not a big financial hit. Perhaps there is another reason for this behavior, but it’s the law that you will register and license your vehicles in the state in which you reside. This leaves a lot of room for speculation about the person’s motives for not abiding by the law, especially when you are abiding by it.

On the other side of this coin, in the same Central Washington city, one of my colleagues told a story about running some errands with his pre-teen son one weekend. They went to one of the major electronics stores and purchased a few things, stopped at a couple of other shops, and then stopped for lunch. While they were eating, his son was looking at the receipts and said, “Hey Dad, they didn’t charge us for one of the things we got at…(the electronics store).” My colleague replied, “Well, right after we finish eating, we will stop back by there and pay for it before we go home.”

I don’t remember what the item was, but its price was about $150. In the course of a day’s sales at this particular store, likely just a drop in the bucket. But, those kinds of drops add up and there are consequences — to both the associates in the store and the store itself.

As he told this story, my colleague was mindful that he was setting an example for his son and wanted to do the right thing. He explained to his son that while it seemed like they got lucky by not having to pay for the item, there would be consequences for both the sales associate and the business if they didn’t go back and correct the situation. So they did.

These are not unique situations; they are examples of the kinds of things that happen daily — in whatever city you are in. In fact, there are people I know today who have licensed their vehicles in a state different from the one in which they live. Again, I can only speculate on their motives for doing so, but the behavior feels wrong to me.

It’s important to be aware that regardless of how “invisible” you might think you are, someone is always watching. They are drawing conclusions and making up stories that fit with their beliefs, values, and experiences, which may be nowhere near the truth of what’s really going on. And when you hear someone say “perception = reality,” it’s true; people believe what makes sense to them and people do what people see.

So, as a leader, you are always on stage. Someone is always watching. They are interpreting your actions based on partial pictures of what’s really going on. And they are sharing stories with others.

You have the opportunity to be aware of this. You have the opportunity to shape the stories they believe and tell others. You have the opportunity to do the right thing, or do something else because you think no one will know.

It’s your character. It’s your integrity. When you go to sleep at night, it’s all you really have control over.

Please do not misinterpret this as me implying that I do everything right every day, and that I have for all my life. Quite the contrary; I have made my share of mistakes, publicly and privately. As I said at the beginning, I think about this topic a lot. I make the effort to be intentional, daily, about what I do and say and the impact my words and actions will have on others, as well as on my future. I strive to be able to lay down to sleep at night knowing I did my best, set a good example, and can rest easily, knowing I did the good and right things that day.

The key, I believe, is to be mindful, intentional, and to reflect often on what we have done and experienced so we may take those lessons forward and do better the next time. It’s a daily process.

So, who are you when you think no one is watching?

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts