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Intentional Leadership — D2, W3, M2 — Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , on February 26, 2013| Leave a Comment »

As we think more about team work this week, let’s spend some time exploring a few questions to clarify how well you contribute to a team.

Ask yourself these questions, and be honest; you’re the one who will benefit from the clarity your answers can bring.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Do I see to understand the situation before sharing my opinion?

When conflict arises, do I see out resolution with that person?

How well do I celebrate others before seeking the applause from others?

Am I willing to ask for help from others?

Is the team goal more important than my goals?

The answers to these questions can be quite revealing in terms of areas of opportunity, if you truly desire to be more effective in building relationships and developing strong, high-performing teams.

When I was younger, I was very much task-focused; I had learned from an early age to be very self-sufficient and to do as many things as possible by myself. I struggled with being willing to trust others, and didn’t give them the opportunity to help me … or even to disappoint me! I eventually reached a point in my career when I learned that it wasn’t a strategy for success.

I finally understood I would be successful only if I could form relationships, which would allow me to be much more productive and effective than I could ever be on my own. So, I learned to connect with people and build long-lasting relationships, with trust as the foundation. That’s not to say I get along swimmingly well with everyone I meet, but I am much more intentional about how I approach relationships. I am now living proof there is value in it.

I encourage you to really consider how better relationships can help you achieve more.

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Intentional Leadership — D1, W2, M2 — Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2013| Leave a Comment »

This week we are going to explore the potential we see in others.

How familiar are you with the story of Helen Keller?
She was unable to see and hear, and consequently, to speak. As a child, her parents brought in a tutor, Miss Sullivan, to teach her.
Miss Sullivan turned out to be most creative, perhaps even unconventional, in her methods for teaching Hellen to learn letters and words. She tried to “sign” a pattern of letters into Helen’s hand, but Helen failed to grasp their meaning.
Finally, Miss Sullivan took Helen out to the water pump in the yard, and held her hand under the running water. In her other hand, Miss Sullivan drummed out the patterns of the letters of the word “water;” Helen stood transfixed, feeling the water run over one hand while he focused on the pattern of the letters being tapped out in her other hand. It was ingenious!
Helen’s progress in learning was quite accelerated; she mastered a complex vocabulary, eventually learning to write — both the standard alphabet and in Braille. She even learned to speak.
She went on to graduate from college, wrote fourteen books, traveled to numerous countries, met a number of world leaders and served as an Ambassador for the American Foundation of the Blind.
It’s a miraculous story; one that would never have happened had Anne Sullivan not been brought in to tutor Helen, and had she not recognized Helen’s potential. The moral of the story: When we see the value in others, we have an opportunity to help them achieve great things.
Think back over the course of your life. Who believed in you?
What did they do to encourage you to stretch and go farther than you may have thought possible?
How did they demonstrate their belief in you?
Had they not believed in you — or didn’t demonstrate that belief — what impact would that have had on your life?
Who have you seen unrecognized potential in?
What did you do to nurture its growth?

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Small Dog Wisdom — Part 3 — Courage

Posted in Worth Reading, tagged , , , , , , , on February 16, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Further into Ed Gungor’s book, One Small Barking Dog, I encounter the section on Courage. This is big, isn’t it?

As defined by Merriam-Webster:

Courage:  mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

Gungor states we need courage not only to face ordinary life, but to confront the places where we have been broken emotionally or psychologically. These kinds of experiences can be toxic and the residue has the power to poison our lives for many years to come…if we don’t do the work we need to do to get past them.

Exercising courage isn’t quick, easy, or painless. It takes a certain level of fortitude, persistence, and determination. And yet, millions of people demonstrate courage daily.

Others, however, choose to become the victim. This kind of thinking puts one in the place of believing that whatever happens to us has the power to determine who we will become. It can leave us believing that we have no control, no choices, no power to make different decisions. Certainly, we cannot control everything that happens to us in the course of our lives. We can, however, decide how we will respond to what happens. NOTE that I didn’t say “react.” I was very deliberate in my usage of “respond.”

Responding to a situation means we think about what has happened and what our options are in taking some action after. It allows us to consider the risks, benefits, implications, and consequences of our words and actions BEFORE we speak or take them. To simply react is to allow our emotions to take over and when we react, we often speak or act without thinking, and the results can be painful, dangerous, damaging, destructive to ourselves and others.

I was once very close to a person who chose to become a victim. According to him, everything in his life was the result of luck — mostly of the bad variety. He believed he was unable to influence the things going on around him. And the resignation of this position was quite damaging to him; I believe it lead to depression and despair. It was quite damaging to many of the relationships he claimed to hold dear. As the person on the outside looking in, it was very draining for me just being in proximity. Of course, the other side of this is that his belief is 180 degrees away from my belief.

I believe I have the power, ability, and responsibility for what happens in my life. Don’t misunderstand – I have no illusion of being in control of what happens. I believe I have the power to influence what happens. I have the ability to choose how I respond to what happens. And I take responsibility for the choices I make, the way I respond, and what I will do going forward.

I’m not saying I don’t have bad experiences, but the effects typically do not linger long. I find it wasteful to wallow. There’s much to be done and I’m not at my destination, yet, so I must get back up and keep moving forward.

I have been wounded, I have been broken, I have felt lost. But even after my most heartbreaking experiences, I have woken up the next morning to a new day and the realization that if I am, indeed, still here, there must be something I am meant to do…So, I get up and get moving.

Courage means we don’t bury the pain, the hurtful experiences, the negative voices in our heads; rather it means we must confront them. Bring them into the full light of day and see them fully. It’s not easy to get to the root of some of our most self-limiting beliefs, but we are well served to spend the time in reflection, get to some understanding, and commit to moving forward to becoming the best possible version of ourselves possible.

If you are feeling some pain, consider it a gift. It’s telling you something very important. If you listen to it, explore it, come to terms with it — face it with courage, you will emerge better for the experience on the other side.

As the small dog would do (and I witnessed my small dogs — Bean-dip and Houdini — do on more than one occasion), brace yourself; bare your teeth; growl if it makes you feel better; and face your life head on, with courage.

It’s worth it!

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Intentional Leadership — D2, W1, M2 — Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , on February 12, 2013| Leave a Comment »

It’s self-assessment time! Before we get too far into thinking about and discussing relationships, let’s see how we do on some key foundational elements of relationship-building.

Assess yourself on each of these elements:

Honesty: When you speak with others, how open are you? Do you share information about yourself that might reflect poorly on you? Are you comfortable acknowledging that you don’t know something, or do you bluff your way through as if you are knowledgeable?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Reliability: Can others count on you to follow through on your commitments?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Relating: When you are with others, do you listen attentively, seeking to understand others first? Or are you focused on being understood?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Empathy: Do you demonstrate your concern for others by doing what you can when someone needs help? Recognize that support may take many forms: standing up for someone, listening, taking action on another’s behalf, or just doing some small act of kindness.

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

Time: Are you consistent about investing time and energy into your most important relationships? Are you contributing to the health of your relationships, or are you taking, not giving? As John Maxwell says, in every relationship you can be a + or a – … which are you?

WEAK  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  STRONG

After rating yourself, spend a little time to summarize your thoughts on this exercise. Are you a plus (+) or a minus (-)? What did you learn that you can use to improve your approach to relationships?

This area of leadership is like all the others in that to do well here, one must have a certain level of self-awareness and operate in an intentional manner. As with the exercises that came before now, it’s important that you are really honest with yourself. If you are shallow in this area, it will be readily apparent.

“See” you on Wednesday!

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Intentional Leadership – Month Two – Relationships

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , , , on February 10, 2013| Leave a Comment »

On Monday, we will begin month two of our intentional leadership journey. As has become the pattern, I will share thoughts and exercises with you Monday – Friday each week. The premise for month two is this: Relationships are the best indicators of a successful and satisfied life.

If you’ve been through some “personality” assessments, you may have been categorized as a “task-focused” person rather than a “relationship-focused” person. Earlier in my life, I was more task-focused. I believe it’s the result of having grown up in an unstable household, the circumstances of which lead me to believe that I could count on only myself, and it was much safer to not need people or allow them to get close; after all, they would only disappoint or hurt me.

Those beliefs and behaviors served me well for some time. I learned to be very responsible, independent, self-sufficient, able to learn nearly any skill I needed to get through life’s basic needs and challenges. But there came a time when those beliefs and behaviors became more of a detriment to me. My ability to expand my influence and ability to get work done was severely limited. I had alienated a lot of people.

Over time, and a lot of painful experiences, I learned that not only would I be able to accomplish more and do whatever it was better, but also my life would be much richer if I could develop healthy relationships with people. It was hard. It required me to let my guard down and admit that I couldn’t do it all myself, and it was ok to need people.

I won’t say it’s been a bed of roses ever since. I’ve made bad decisions about trusting some, and not trusting others. I’ve been hurt, more than once. But I’ve also come to really value the relationships I have developed and have a true understanding of the saying: No one of us is as smart as all of us. I truly am more productive, effective, and able to accomplish so much more by connecting with others and spreading the load. And it’s ever so much more satisfying.

I learned that I cannot lead if I am the only one…as they say, if you are by yourself, you are not leading, merely taking a walk!

I believe in the power of true connection which leads to synergy which results in something so much greater than the sum of its parts. However, I also know that this doesn’t just happen. Often, especially in business, you will find groups of people who toil under the illusion they are a team and are all working on the same thing. When you get into the thick of whom they are and what they are doing, however, you discover they are just a group of people who think they are a team…and the results they achieve are either equal to or less than what the individuals would accomplish alone.

True teams do not happen by accident. They take time, intention, and focus to build. But when they really come together, the outcomes can be amazing – significantly more than the sum of their parts.

As we prepare to start Week One of Month Two, take a few minutes to think about these things:

How are your strengths and weaknesses reflected in your relationships?

How have relationships throughout your life helped you to grow into a leader?

When have you put aside relational differences to pursue a shared goal?

What sacrifices have you made for the sake of a relationship?

I look forward to this next part of our journey. Please share your thoughts along the way.

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Intentional Leadership — D4, W4, M1 — Vision

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , , on February 7, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Thursday is the day for reflection.

Take some time today to consider what you heard from your trusted colleagues yesterday.

What did you hear that was good?

What did you hear that concerned you?

Would your work carry on because of the legacy you left?

One of the keys to success is self-awareness. This is true true regardless of the position you hold in an organization, and especially so for a leader. We must face the truth and learn from it.

What have you learned about yourself as you focused on your vision this month?

Where are you strong?

Where do you fall short?

What changes will you make in your leadership style as a result of this examination?

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Bring on the Rain!

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , , on February 3, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I’ve been thinking a lot about resilience lately. Contemplating what it is that allows some people to emerge from adversity and change, stronger and more confident, ready for whatever comes next, while others sink into defeat, seemingly unable to overcome whatever hardship they have experienced.

About 10 years ago, my sister took me to see George Strait in concert, in Seattle. JoDee Messina opened for him. Prior to that night, she wasn’t really on my musical radar, but she put on a good show and it turned out I loved a lot of her songs. Last week, I rediscovered her while browsing the CD racks at Wal-Mart. I picked up her Greatest Hits CD (yes, I know — I’m out of sync with the times, not buying it in iTunes!). I’ve been enjoying it immensely, and have found myself playing one song over and over and over in the car. Here it is:

Bring on the Rain*

Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war

Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It’s almost like the hard times circle round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated
I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing, but I’m not dead

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I’m not gonna let it get me down
I’m not gonna cry
And I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain

I appreciate the recognition that sometimes life is really hard, overwhelming even, and sometimes we need a time out. Time to breathe, regroup, and prepare to meet the challenges of life on a new day…and yet, we are undefeated; we are resilient; we will rise, again, to face whatever challenges that will emerge in our lives.

So, what is it that allows us to declare “I am not afraid!” Certainly, I’ve experienced adversity, profound pain, and what some may define as failure. But  every single time, I’ve woken up the next morning, and forged ahead to face life head-on…unsure how I would handle whatever came next, and yet, knowing down deep that come what may, I would do my best and keep moving.

After some reflection, I think resilience comes from a fundamental belief in ourselves, our value, our expectation that we are here to do something important — a healthy level of faith that all will be well in time. It’s borne of courage and confidence and the knowledge that the experience brings growth; having survived whatever the situation, we will emerge stronger and better able to make our way through whatever comes next.

What change are you working your way through?

Will you allow it to consume you and flavor the rest of your life?

Will you emerge stronger and more confident?

How resilient are you?

What is the foundation for your resilience?

 

What does this song say to you?

*Thank you to JoDee Messina, Tim McGraw, Billy Montana, and Helen Darling for sharing this song with us.

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Want or need?

Posted in Food for Thought, tagged , , , on January 27, 2013| 3 Comments »

My 20-year old niece posted this on her Facebook page Friday night:

You’re everything I want, but nothing that I need.

Pretty profound stuff for such a young woman. There’s nothing else in her post, so I have no idea if it came from a song, something she’s reading, something she heard from someone else, or just from her heart, but it got me thinking about what a vast difference there is between the two.

It’s easy enough to jot down a list of all the things I want…a new bed, vacation in Italy, a library in my house with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves filled with books and cozy chairs to snuggle into and read for hours, a cruise through the Inside Passage in Alaska, to see Chris Isaak in concert, again…and if I really want these things badly enough, they are all within my reach if I plan, prioritize, and save. But the point is, they are “wants,” truly not needs.

What I need is significantly different. I need nourishing food; adequate rest; regular exercise; to be surrounded by people who love, support, and nurture me; deep conversations with close friends; opportunities to learn and grow. Really pretty basic stuff, and yet so important.

Sure, it might be nice to have a closet full of new clothes and shoes, maybe a different car, a budget that would allow me to eat in restaurants every night of the week if I wanted or to go on vacation anywhere, anytime. But these things are just things; in the long run, they have no true and lasting value. They will not significantly add to the true quality of my life. They won’t make me a better or happier person. They won’t ensure my relationships are strong and healthy. They won’t make me different. They won’t make me better able to add value to others. They are, in fact, just more “stuff” to clutter up my life with. And for the past six months, or so, I have been actively working at cleaning out my drawers, closets, bookshelves, filing cabinets, and those never-ending boxes in the basement with a focus on getting rid of all this “stuff” that is cluttering up my home, my mind, and interfering with better energy and focus in my life.

The other consideration is that often we find ourselves wanting things we know are not healthy for us. For example, I love Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins. But, I know for a fact that eating it daily is not a good idea! I’ve been in relationships with people I very much wanted in my life, but knew they were not healthy for me to be around.

As the girl said — everything I want and nothing I need.

I’m working on maintaining my focus on the needs, and can honestly tell you, I am feeling more balanced, healthier, more settled. Happy in my own skin, as the saying goes, and it’s a glorious thing.

What are the things you want, but know you don’t need?

What are the things in your life that are preventing you from becoming the very best version of you possible?

Is it time to give some serious consideration to this equation in your life, and maybe make some changes?

Let me know how I can help.

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Intentional Leadership – Day 5 (M1, W1) Vision

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on January 18, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Ah, another Friday! Are you prepared for the weekend?

As we come to the end of this first week on our Intentional Leadership journey, it’s time to think about how we will spend the weekend. If you are like many, you will heave a sigh of relief of having made it through another whirlwind, hectic week.

Would it surprise you to know that some people actually thoughtfully plan for the weekends – before the weekend arrives? It’s true!

I must confess, I’m not one of them – at least not 99% of the time. If we plan to go somewhere for the weekend, I am more mindful about the need to plan the time; it’s kind of a requirement when traveling with small children. But, if we are staying home for the weekend, I don’t plan, much to the frustration of my husband.

Oh, I do have a list in my mind of the various things I need to accomplish, errands that need to be run, and chores to complete, but I definitely don’t have a schedule mapped out. And, no surprise to anyone, I’m sure, many Sunday evenings arrive when I still have a bunch of things I did not get done. You know what they say about having good intentions…The good news (for me, at least!) is I’m aware of this pattern of behavior, which gives me the opportunity to rethink it and experiment with new processes that may provide a smoother rhythm to my and my family’s life.

What do you say we try another tactic on this journey we are on?

What if we thought about the weekend differently going forward?

What if we were intentional about defining our needs for the weekend and making time to meet them?

For example, if you work a traditional Monday-Friday schedule, the weekend is typically a time for rest, for fun, for spending with family. How much more satisfied would you feel on Sunday evenings if you actually approached the weekend with these needs in mind, with a plan?

Let’s start this week and see how it goes, ok?

I will meet family time by taking my son to an arts & crafts class, working on his homework, watching at least one episode of Blues Clues, and reading, at a minimum.

I will cook a turkey dinner for my husband, for the two of us to enjoy after he returns from hiking with a friend. This will serve double duty…with the cold, gray weather we’ve been having, I’m craving comfort food and cooking is very relaxing for me!

I will read at least an hour of something fun and an hour of something on growth.

I will call my parents. I will respond to some personal emails.

And I will spend some time preparing for Monday.

This is important! You know Monday is going to arrive; it always does. Take some time to think about how you want to feel on Monday, and what you need to do to feel prepared to start your new week off on a positive foot. Then take the steps over the weekend to set yourself up for success.

Finally, have you given much thought to the big things you have planned in the coming weeks? Are they in your planner? It’s been proven by so many people before us: Successful people are intentional, planning their time focused on their priorities. It’s a simple enough process, but requires focus and commitment. Are you ready for that? If not, get your calendar out and write it down.

Congratulations on making it through month one – week one, of the Intentional Leadership Journey. Next week we’ll focus on Seeing the Bigger Picture.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll “see” you on Monday!

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Intentional Leadership – Day 4 (M1, W2) Vision

Posted in Leadership, tagged , , , , , , , on January 17, 2013| Leave a Comment »

As is key in improving your effectiveness with most any endeavor, reflection on this journey is critical. Today, take the time to reflect on your vision.

Write it down.

Paint a vivid picture of your dream.

Then, as a communications expert once explained to me, it’s time to “reduce the sauce.” He was referring to the process in cooking when you’ve put all the ingredients into the pot, mixed them together, and have to keep cooking until it has condensed, and reduced…as you know, you end up with something more concentrated than what you began with.

So, reduce the sauce. Keep rewriting your vision until you can state it concisely and clearly in just a few sentences; no more than one short paragraph. When you reach that point, see if you can condense it down to one sentence.

Paul Martinelli, President of the John Maxwell Team, often says, “If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough.”

Give yourself the time to do this. Be patient with yourself. Try the words on for size. Let them roll around on your tongue to ensure they are your words and you are comfortable speaking them. Authenticity is important. Notice how your body feels as you say the words and declare your intentions. Trust your intuition when it says, “That’s just right; you can stop now!”

When you are finished it should be obvious who you are and what you stand for.

I spent years working on this one; refining it time and time, again. And it’s changed over the years, as I’ve learned more and reflected on my experiences. That’s the beauty of the journey.

I can’t wait to hear your vision statement…I hope you will share it with us here.

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