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Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Week three’s focus is: We before me.

There are lots of stories we could discuss to really focus on teamwork and how critical it is to success. One story you might be familiar with is Remember the Titans, based on a true story.

It’s about a High School football team in the ’70’s, where the white football coach was forced to resign due to a controversial mandate from the school board; he was replaced by a black football coach. This decision created significant tension and polarized the community. The new coach was pressured to resign, but rather than capitulating to the pressure, he reached out to the one person who could help him salvage the Titan’s season — the former coach.

Together, the two men formed a relationship based on respect, and they worked together to break down the racial issues within the team. They took the team off-site for pre-season camp, and assigned each player to room with a teammate from the other race, setting the expectation each would learn three personal facts from his roommate.

The intent was clear — there would be no segregation within the team; each player must commit to each other and the success of the team. Of course, it wasn’t an immediate or smooth transition. There were rough moments, but over time the players developed friendships and the coaches were able to create a culture of unity. As the relationships strengthened, the team overcame all obstacles and won the State Championship.

I’ve been able to work with a number of teams, and I always begin with relationship building. A group of people will not just become a team, simply because they are tasked with working together. Real teams come together due to intentional team building. First, the members must get to know each other, beyond a superficial level. This allows members to identify common ground, which opens the door to the development of trust. This is the foundation of all healthy relationships.

As with the Titans, and the teams with whom I’ve worked, each of us has the opportunity to commit to contribute to something bigger than themselves. When you have the opportunity to work with others, do you put aside your personal agenda for the greater good?

Of course, you don’t have to focus on the team agenda. It’s a choice, to be sure. What I can tell you, based on my experience, is that a high-performing team is able to achieve things significantly more substantive than any of the individuals alone. What I can tell you, based on my experience, is “no one of us is as smart as all of us.”

Take some time today to think about the most difficult working relationship or team dynamic you have experienced. What made it hard? How did you handle the relationships? What did you learn? How will you approach similar situations differently in the future?

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Thursday is a good day for reflection.

Take a little time today to consider what happened yesterday?

Did you take the time to let someone know about the potential you see in them? How did it go? What’s happening as a result?

Now let’s take a different approach.

Think about three people from your work/professional life. Write their names on a piece of paper.

Next to their names, write down the qualities you most admire in them. Then jot some ideas on the amazing accomplishments you believe could be realized if they worked together on a project of your choosing.

Who would do what?

How would each person shine in the project?

Can you envision it? What do you think would really happen if you moved it from an idea to reality? If there’s value in this exercise, take it another step further…

If you want to really have an impact, and make a difference in someone’s life, write at least one of them a hand-written note telling them how much you value them and their abilities; be specific about the qualities you admire and the potential you see in them. I look forward to hearing what happens next (use the comments box below to share your stories!).

Sent from my iPad

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What did you learn from yesterday’s exercise?

What will you do differently, to truly connect and build relationships with the people in your life?

Today, let’s switch gears a bit. One of my mentors often says, “You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.” The point being, we can’t really see our full potential, but others can.

Which means you can see potential in others that they may not see in themselves. Spend some time today thinking about someone you see potential in, who may not be aware.

What might happen if you told them what you see in them? Is there a reason you wouldn’t share your insight with them?

Is there an opportunity you can give them that will allow them to cultivate that potential?

This is important stuff, so I encourage you to be thoughtful in the process, and then go ahead, have the conversation…you may just change someone’s life.

Sent from my iPad

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Today, we give some thought to what is true about ourselves.

Think of someone you know well and have a solid relationship with, or whom you consider to have built strong relationships with others. What are three key actions you’ve seen this person take to value and invest in others?

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2.

3.

What are three actions you take that are natural and easy ways to build relationships with?

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2.

3.

I know a woman who is very good at this, and am blessed to know she is truly my friend. She takes a genuine interest in people, understands the power of really listening to a person, and demonstrates her commitment to the relationship by making the effort to stay connected and engage in meaningful conversations with the people who are important in her life.

It’s a relationship I value and one that reminds me how important it is to not take people for granted.

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On Monday, we will begin month two of our intentional leadership journey. As has become the pattern, I will share thoughts and exercises with you Monday – Friday each week. The premise for month two is this: Relationships are the best indicators of a successful and satisfied life.

If you’ve been through some “personality” assessments, you may have been categorized as a “task-focused” person rather than a “relationship-focused” person. Earlier in my life, I was more task-focused. I believe it’s the result of having grown up in an unstable household, the circumstances of which lead me to believe that I could count on only myself, and it was much safer to not need people or allow them to get close; after all, they would only disappoint or hurt me.

Those beliefs and behaviors served me well for some time. I learned to be very responsible, independent, self-sufficient, able to learn nearly any skill I needed to get through life’s basic needs and challenges. But there came a time when those beliefs and behaviors became more of a detriment to me. My ability to expand my influence and ability to get work done was severely limited. I had alienated a lot of people.

Over time, and a lot of painful experiences, I learned that not only would I be able to accomplish more and do whatever it was better, but also my life would be much richer if I could develop healthy relationships with people. It was hard. It required me to let my guard down and admit that I couldn’t do it all myself, and it was ok to need people.

I won’t say it’s been a bed of roses ever since. I’ve made bad decisions about trusting some, and not trusting others. I’ve been hurt, more than once. But I’ve also come to really value the relationships I have developed and have a true understanding of the saying: No one of us is as smart as all of us. I truly am more productive, effective, and able to accomplish so much more by connecting with others and spreading the load. And it’s ever so much more satisfying.

I learned that I cannot lead if I am the only one…as they say, if you are by yourself, you are not leading, merely taking a walk!

I believe in the power of true connection which leads to synergy which results in something so much greater than the sum of its parts. However, I also know that this doesn’t just happen. Often, especially in business, you will find groups of people who toil under the illusion they are a team and are all working on the same thing. When you get into the thick of whom they are and what they are doing, however, you discover they are just a group of people who think they are a team…and the results they achieve are either equal to or less than what the individuals would accomplish alone.

True teams do not happen by accident. They take time, intention, and focus to build. But when they really come together, the outcomes can be amazing – significantly more than the sum of their parts.

As we prepare to start Week One of Month Two, take a few minutes to think about these things:

How are your strengths and weaknesses reflected in your relationships?

How have relationships throughout your life helped you to grow into a leader?

When have you put aside relational differences to pursue a shared goal?

What sacrifices have you made for the sake of a relationship?

I look forward to this next part of our journey. Please share your thoughts along the way.

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