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Posts Tagged ‘Self-Awareness’

We’ve just spent the last four weeks focusing on relationships and the critical role they play in our success as leaders. As the poet John Donne said, “No man is an island entire of itself; every an is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”

Each and every one of us is a piece of a bigger whole. While we might like to think we can do it all ourselves, we cannot. And it leads to a very isolated and lonely existence. I speak from experience here, as I think I’ve shared in previous blogs. I used to believe I could be “Superwoman” and do it all myself…but it’s exhausting, disheartening, and discouraging. The results were never as good as they would have been had I involved others. And I often found myself feeling resentful of others for not stepping up and doing their part; why would they, when I made it clear I didn’t need or want them!

We do not live in isolation, but in relationship to others. Real connections with others offer joy and give our lives meaning. They push us to be better than we would be alone, to reach greater heights than we could ever climb alone. Rich and lasting relationships require time, commitment, and self-sacrifice, but their benefits more than compensate for the investment.

If you take some time to think about leaders you respect, you’ll realize they have built rich “relational” bank accounts; they have developed strong relationships with a variety of people and get energy and sustenance from them. When you truly invest in others and nurture your relationships over time, they are sometimes the only stable, consistent thing you can count on in uncertain times.

In fact, when times get tough, experience, hard work, and talent alone will not save you. If you need any kind of external support — a job, money, advice, hope, mentoring, help, or even a client…your extended circle of friends and associates will be the place to turn to meet those needs. However, if you have not invested in relationships, you may find yourself standing alone.

My questions to you are these:

What did you learn about yourself with respect to relationships over the course of this past month?

What are you doing differently as a result?

How are your relationships changing as a result of your taking different actions and demonstrating different behaviors?

How different are your results, with this new perspective?

What will you do to intentionally invest in the lives of others?

On Monday, we will move into Month 3 of this Intentional Leadership Journey, focusing on Excellence. Again, I am sharing this with you as I walk through this same journey, based on the Intentional Leadership booklet I received through the Chick-fil-A Leadercast (created by Giant Impact) that I attended in May 2012.

Let me know how this journey is changing your thinking and your performance.

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Here we are, come to the end of another week, that to me feels like it has flown past — again! It’s a sign I’m getting busier, which is good. But I need to remain aware of whether I’m spending my “busy” time simply being busy or actually productive. This weekend will be a good time for me to reflect on that, and redirect — if need be — my efforts next week…a slight course correction, if you will.

Right now, though, let’s focus on the weekend. Are you ready? Have you gotten into the habit of thinking about it and preparing for it ahead of time, yet?

What relationships do you need to nurture this weekend?

I need to spend more time with my husband.

Are there new relationships you would like to initiate?

I do have some new connections I want to make and will give some thought this weekend to how best to initiate them.

What do you need to do to focus on and nurture yourself this weekend?

A bit of alone time. I’m working on my “I have a Dream” speech assignment; it’s part of the Deeper Path Coaching Cohort I’m working my way through. I will be reading my Dream speech to my fellow travelers on the Path…It will be an interesting experience. I’ve carried so many of these thoughts around with me for a long time, but rarely verbalize them to others.

How much rest do you need this weekend?

How much – and what kind of – activity do you need?

What loose ends do you need to tie up from this week?

What do you need to do to prepare yourself for a great start to next week, preparing for Monday?

Finally, what thought are you giving to things you have planned or need to prepare for or complete in the coming months?

On Monday, we begin month three —  focus on Excellence. More thoughts on this over the weekend.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll “see” you soon!

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Time to get your journal out. Take some time today to reflect on the response you received from your intentional act of service yesterday.

How did your action affect your relationship with that person?

How did your self-less action strengthen your family or team?

When you’ve given that some time, reflect on the actions you have taken this month to add value to others, to encourage them in their potential, and to put your team’s agenda in front of your own. What new synergy has been created on your team as a result of your leadership in relationships?

Speaking from personal experience, I can attest to the fact that when I am intentional about doing things for others — when I focus on touching their heart before I ask for a hand — I reap the benefits in many ways. I form deeper, stronger relationships with others, which is far more satisfying – for me, anyway – than shallow interactions. I learn from them. I am better able to to help others because I come to understand who they are and what they need. And I have to say, I love doing the acts of kindness.

Sometimes it’s a stretch trying to tailor an act to someone specific — to do something for them that they will actually appreciate, rather than giving them something I think they should have. For example, last night, I brought home a bag of Jelly Belly’s for my husband — I know he loves them! Quick, simple, results in a smile.

What has your experience been?

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Let’s focus on ourselves today. Take some time today to answer these questions:

Describe a time when you heard the ideas of others and valued them.

Describe a situation in which you were willing to sacrifice your self-interest for the good of the group.

Describe what is going on in the lives of your colleagues.

How are you helping develop and grow those who work with you?

Are your employees coming to you and letting you know what is affecting them so you can help?

Each of these questions describes humility-based leadership. Based on your answers, how do you rate as a humble leader?

Remember: You will get out of these exercises what you put in.

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I fully understand the fact that there is exactly the same amount of time in each day and each week, but this week truly seems to have flown past. This time last week, I was in Orlando with the John Maxwell Team, in a coaching triad (one coach, one participant, one observer) practicing the art of coaching…and it seems like it was just yesterday!

Hard to believe it’s time to prepare for the weekend, again, already!

I don’t know about you, but thinking about the weekends in this way has made a difference for me. I still have work to do in terms of being truly intentional about how I spend my weekends, but this practice is changing the way I think about, prepare for, and spend my time Friday evening through Monday morning.

What relationships do you need to nurture this weekend?

Are there new relationships you would like to initiate?

What do you need to do to focus on and nurture yourself this weekend?

How much rest do you need this weekend?

How much – and what kind of – activity do you need?

What loose ends do you need to tie up from this week?

What do you need to do to prepare yourself for a great start to next week, preparing for Monday?

Finally, what thought are you giving to things you have planned or need to prepare for or complete in the coming months?

On Monday, we begin week four of month two —  focus on Relationships.

Have a great weekend, and I’ll “see” you on Monday!

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Today is reflection day, so get you ready! Find your journal, pick out your favorite pen — you know the one, it fits your hand just so, and has the exact right size tip (micro fine for me, thank you!), and writes in your favorite color. Ready?

Spend sometime journaling about your experience from yesterday:

What action step did you choose to try? Or were you brave and tried more than one?

Which one(s) did you choose?

Was it easy or challenging?

What did you learn about yourself?

What did you notice about the other person’s reaction?

What will you do differently in the future?

What have you learned this week, with respect to putting aside your agenda in favor of that of your team?

How can you promote “We before Me” with your team going forward?

Map out some specific action steps and timelines you can follow, so you don’t lose what you’ve learned this week.

Remember: Application is the key to bridging the “knowing – doing” gap.

Have an intentional day!

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As we think more about team work this week, let’s spend some time exploring a few questions to clarify how well you contribute to a team.

Ask yourself these questions, and be honest; you’re the one who will benefit from the clarity your answers can bring.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood.

Do I see to understand the situation before sharing my opinion?

When conflict arises, do I see out resolution with that person?

How well do I celebrate others before seeking the applause from others?

Am I willing to ask for help from others?

Is the team goal more important than my goals?

The answers to these questions can be quite revealing in terms of areas of opportunity, if you truly desire to be more effective in building relationships and developing strong, high-performing teams.

When I was younger, I was very much task-focused; I had learned from an early age to be very self-sufficient and to do as many things as possible by myself. I struggled with being willing to trust others, and didn’t give them the opportunity to help me … or even to disappoint me! I eventually reached a point in my career when I learned that it wasn’t a strategy for success.

I finally understood I would be successful only if I could form relationships, which would allow me to be much more productive and effective than I could ever be on my own. So, I learned to connect with people and build long-lasting relationships, with trust as the foundation. That’s not to say I get along swimmingly well with everyone I meet, but I am much more intentional about how I approach relationships. I am now living proof there is value in it.

I encourage you to really consider how better relationships can help you achieve more.

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I was in Orlando, Florida, last week for a John Maxwell Training. When I flew home on Saturday, I observed a situation in the airport that really disturbed me.

There was a very upset woman, probably around 40, with two young boys, maybe 4 and 6 years old. She was speaking very loudly to an airline employee, who was notably cool, calm, and collected. Of course, I can only speculate on what was going on, but based on the few things I heard and my observation of their interaction, it appeared she had missed her flight.

She was very loud and adamantly declaring that it wasn’t her fault, something about being told that she needed to be there 20 minutes ahead…The airline employee said something to her, too quiet to hear (I was ~10 feet away, standing in line to check my bag). She got even louder, telling him she didn’t need him to argue with her and make her feel like a seven-year-old, that she needed him to help him. She had tears running down her face, and was quite visibly agitated.

All the while, these two little boys standing there watching the whole thing…looking a little lost and frightened. As the mom walked a few feet away, the older boy went and wrapped himself around her waist, hugging and comforting her, telling her it would be all right. The younger boy joined them, but stood off to the side watching.

I had two very loud thoughts in my mind as I watched this scene play itself out. First, she had absolutely no concept of the lesson she was teaching her boys about how one deals with stress, the unexpected, and the people who are trying to help you. Second, was that she has an incredibly strong belief that she behaves like a seven-year-old, projecting that onto the airline employee who was trying to help her. Suddenly, I saw not a grown woman standing there, but a frightened, frustrated little girl, facing a situation she was not equipped to deal with.

My heart went out to her and her boys.

I hope they made their way home safely.

What lessons are you teaching?

I encourage you to be thoughtful and intentional about them…

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What did you learn from yesterday’s exercise?

What will you do differently, to truly connect and build relationships with the people in your life?

Today, let’s switch gears a bit. One of my mentors often says, “You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.” The point being, we can’t really see our full potential, but others can.

Which means you can see potential in others that they may not see in themselves. Spend some time today thinking about someone you see potential in, who may not be aware.

What might happen if you told them what you see in them? Is there a reason you wouldn’t share your insight with them?

Is there an opportunity you can give them that will allow them to cultivate that potential?

This is important stuff, so I encourage you to be thoughtful in the process, and then go ahead, have the conversation…you may just change someone’s life.

Sent from my iPad

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This week we are going to explore the potential we see in others.

How familiar are you with the story of Helen Keller?
She was unable to see and hear, and consequently, to speak. As a child, her parents brought in a tutor, Miss Sullivan, to teach her.
Miss Sullivan turned out to be most creative, perhaps even unconventional, in her methods for teaching Hellen to learn letters and words. She tried to “sign” a pattern of letters into Helen’s hand, but Helen failed to grasp their meaning.
Finally, Miss Sullivan took Helen out to the water pump in the yard, and held her hand under the running water. In her other hand, Miss Sullivan drummed out the patterns of the letters of the word “water;” Helen stood transfixed, feeling the water run over one hand while he focused on the pattern of the letters being tapped out in her other hand. It was ingenious!
Helen’s progress in learning was quite accelerated; she mastered a complex vocabulary, eventually learning to write — both the standard alphabet and in Braille. She even learned to speak.
She went on to graduate from college, wrote fourteen books, traveled to numerous countries, met a number of world leaders and served as an Ambassador for the American Foundation of the Blind.
It’s a miraculous story; one that would never have happened had Anne Sullivan not been brought in to tutor Helen, and had she not recognized Helen’s potential. The moral of the story: When we see the value in others, we have an opportunity to help them achieve great things.
Think back over the course of your life. Who believed in you?
What did they do to encourage you to stretch and go farther than you may have thought possible?
How did they demonstrate their belief in you?
Had they not believed in you — or didn’t demonstrate that belief — what impact would that have had on your life?
Who have you seen unrecognized potential in?
What did you do to nurture its growth?

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